Amor Fati
by stuart-little-luver
Summary: Its been a year since Beca graduated from Barden, but other than that nothing has changed. She still hated movies, found the color pink repulsive, and love was still just a hazardous chemical that shouldn't be dabbled with. But when Chloe shows up out of the blue after five years, she feels like a toddler who's just gotten into her mother's cleaning supplies: curious and tempted.
1. Chapter 1

People. That's basically been Beca Mitchel's lively hood since she graduated Barden about year ago. Some she would never see again, and some she would. You never know with people. Whether or not you'll ever see them again. It's a hit or miss situation. If there was one thing to be learned by co-owning a bar/restaurant (the slash is silent) in New York is that people come and go. It's as simple as that.

There were two types of coming and going: expected and unexpected.

When she left Barden last year, she'd promised to keep in touch with her friends, and she did. Not the face-to-face contact that was needed to fully sustain a healthy friendship, but she kept in touch. But she doubted she'd ever see them again. That was to be expected, considering they were all on different career paths.

And then there were cases like Mrs. Hill. Mrs. Hill was an old widow that came to the restaurant/bar, The Pines, every Saturday night. She'd always order the same thing: a plate of sliced pickles and a shot of Baileys. Peculiar. But Beca liked peculiar. She got so tired of people always ordering the most boring items on the menu, like "A burger and fries please" or "I'm in the steak mood tonight". It was refreshing to get a different order sometimes. She liked the old woman, even if she'd only shared a few words with her. She'd gotten used to her weekly visits to the Pines, which was why it was so weird when one week she didn't show up. Or the next week. Or the week after that. It turns out Mrs. Hill had had a heart attack. Beca would never see her again.

Unexpected or expected, the fact of the matter is that people come, and have a tendency to go.

Beca sighed, wiping off one of the counters. She had never really had a set plan for what she was going to do when she grew up. Sure, she'd toyed with the idea of being professional DJ, but it was just that, an idea. Real life doesn't have room for silly things like DJing. But she never thought she'd be where she was right now.

After her first year at Barden, Beca had decided that she wanted to major in psychology. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea, considering she didn't really know what she wanted to do with her life. But after she graduated and was job hunting with her newly obtained degree, she found out the hard way that there were no jobs you could get with a degree in psychology, not any good ones anyway. So she decided it best to move in with her brother, Bryce, until she figured out what she was going to do. She had dabbled with the idea of going to back to school, but decided against it. She didn't have that kind of money.

She had had no idea what she going to do until her brother suggested they open a restaurant.A restaurant-bar. It was a fresh idea, that could either go terribly well or horribly wrong. But what other choice did she have? So her brother and her pooled together the little money they had and took out a loan. And so the Pines was born, along with a steady income for both her and her brother.

Beca smiled as she saw her brother coming towards her.

"Busy night," he said. And it had been. Beca hadn't sat down in five hours. She laughed.

"Seriously. I think we need to hire more staff."

When Beca had told her friends she was moving to New York, they had all thought she meant the city, and not the boring town of Yorktown where she was actually going.

Yorktown was a decent sized town on the outskirts of Manhattan, though more than half of the population originates from Yonkers. It was suburban and cozy, but a bit boring. And there was too much traffic between 3-7. Nothing unbearably awful, but still bad enough to mention. Beca liked Yorktown she really did. The people that came to the Pines were usually polite and left good tips. But sometimes it was a little unnerving to think that someone as outspoken as her could end up in a place like Yorktown.

"I think 10 employees is enough."

"Not if we have anymore nights like this."

Bryce smiled at her, taking the rag from her hand.

"You look tired. Go home. I'll close up." Beca shrugged, pulling out her phone. 11:02. _Was it really that late?_

"Thanks Bryce." she said, grabbing her bag from under the bar counter. It wasn't until she was settled in her car that she realized how tired she really was. _Well at least tomorrow's Friday._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Beca loved the Pines. The people, the smell, the tips, the long hours, she loved it all. Though she would never admit it, she was glad that this was where her life had taken her. It used to bother her, how steady her life was. How she never had to worry about making the rent, how it was the same orders everyday. The only thing that really changed around there was the people. Sure, there were a few familiar faces, but the majority of people that came in were tourists, probably heading to Manhattan. But despite what the movies lead you to believe, most of the people that stopped by the bar were actually incredibly boring. Family vacation. New job position. Visiting the grandkids. Beca didn't even bother to ask anymore.

But eventually she got used to it. She even learned to like it. She liked being able to go home to her own house instead of her brother's, to cook a nice meal instead of getting take-out, to sleep on a queen size mattress instead a lousy futon.

"Here you go sir." Beca said, handing a man the Sam Adams he'd ordered a minute prior. For a Friday, it was a pretty slow night. There were only 7 people in the Pines, not counting the staff. Usually it would have been closer to 30.

Beca let out a sigh, leaning her back against the bar counter. As much as she loved the Pines, it was nice to have a slow night once in a while. Blowing a loose hair strand out of her eyes, she turned around to scan the bar for anyone who may need serving. No one did. She faced herself so that her back was to the front of the bar. A quick game of Temple Run wouldn't hurt anyone, right? She was just about to start playing when her vision went black.

"Guess who?" Beca felt a faint pressure on her eyes. Before her brain could process who it was, Beca grabbed the wrists of her pursuer and yanked them off of her face. They giggled. Beca spun around.

She didn't know what to make of what was in front of her. Sure, they'd exchanged the occasional text or Facebook message when Chloe had first graduated, but a couple months later, Chloe just drifted out of Beca's life. The point was, she hadn't actually _seen _Chloe Beale in almost five years.

At first, Beca couldn't tell whether she was completely ecstatic at seeing her friend, or enraged that Chloe had cut Beca out of her life.

"Well are you gonna say something?" Chloe laughed, forcing Beca out of her daze, only to realize that she'd been staring.

"You smell like gummy worms," Beca offered awkwardly. A bit of a weird comment, but a lot nicer than _What the hell are you doing here._ Chloe smiled, reaching into her purse.

"Want one?" she asked, holding out a gummy worm to Beca. Beca shook her head. Chloe shrugged, and popped the candy into her own mouth.

"What are you doing here Chloe?" her tone came out a bit accusatory, taking her and Chloe a little off guard. So this bubbling in the pit of her stomach was resentment? She could deal with resentment.

Chloe smirked.

"Isn't it obvious? I came here to kidnap you."

Beca shifted uncomfortably. She had no idea what to say.

"Oh for God's sake Beca I was kidding!" Chloe laughed.

"But really, what are you doing here?"

"You know the Yorktown Theatre Company?" Beca nodded. "Well, I work there now. Trying to work my way up to Broadway." Chloe smiled. Beca had known that Chloe had a Theater major, but she didn't know that she was actually _doing _things with it.

"I saw on Facebook that you had a restaurant out here and I decided I'd visit you! It's like 15 minutes away from where I work!" Beca sighed. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't be mad at Chloe. It's not like she herself had made that much effort to stay involved in the redhead's life. And besides. She was here now, wasn't she?

Chloe's smile faltered when Beca didn't reply.

"But I guess I could go if you want me too,"

"No-no! It's fine! I really am happy to see you Chloe."

Chloe lit up.

"I'm happy to see you too Beca. I've really missed you." She said, slightly brushing her hand over Beca's. Beca had forgotten what a "touchy" person Chloe was. She pulled her hand away but Chloe didn't seem to notice. Beca motioned for Chloe to take a seat.

"Well, sit down. We only take paying customers in this establishment." Chloe grinned and sat down at the counter, facing Beca.

"Get me anything you want, Beca."

"How does New Castle sound?" Beca asked.

"Sounds Grrrrrrrreat!" Chloe said, trying her best to imitate the _Frosted Flakes_ tiger the cereal company used on their commercials. Beca turned around to fetch the girl her beverage.

Beca slid Chloe's drink to her.

"So what have you been up to for the past 5 years?" Beca asked, trying to keep the little bit of resentment she hadn't been able to swallow out of her voice. And judging by the overflowing smile on Chloe's face, she'd been successful.

Beca studied Chloe as the girl talked about the various theaters she had worked at. She hadn't really changed much since the last time Beca had seen her. Large, wide eyes that always betrayed every little thought or feeling that passed through her mind. A nose that was a tad on the large side in comparison to her sweet, thin lips, lips that she was so prone to biting when she was nervous. Chloe was stunning. Not perfect, but stunning. A trait Beca often envied about her friend. Beca was so entranced by her she hadn't even noticed Bryce walking up behind Chloe.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but it's about closing time" he smiled apologetically. Besides them, the Pines was empty.

"Oh no, Bryce it's okay. She's a friend of mine." she said.

"Actually Beca, he's right. It's pretty late. I better get going." Chloe stood up. "I'll see you later though, okay?" Beca smiled.

"Okay?" Chloe asked again. Beca didn't realize Chloe had actually wanted an _answer_.

"Yeah, okay." Beca smiled.

"I mean it Beca. I'll see you later."

And with that, Chloe was out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"So are you gonna tell me who that was?" Bryce inquired, turning to face Beca.

"Just some girl from Barden." Beca stated sourly, wringing out the rag she'd just used to wipe off the counters. When Bryce didn't answer, she sighed. "Barden University? The school I went to?" A look of recognition settled on Bryce's face, only to be replaced again by a look of confusion.

"Didn't you say that she was a friend of yours?" he asked.

Since Chloe had left, Beca had been replaying the conversation between them in her head so many times it hurt. How _dare _Chloe just leave her like that and expect her to be waiting with open arms. Chloe hadn't made any attempt at contacting her for five years and now she just expected her and Beca to pick up right where they left off? She wasn't a crossword puzzle that you could just start and put away until you were ready to finish it. No. She was a person who deserved more respect than that. Beca didn't know what she had been thinking when she let Chloe talk to her like nothing had happened between them. She even said that she had been _happy _to see Chloe. She didn't know where that had come from, but she regretted it immensely. Chloe screwed up. Big time. And Beca would be damned if she let the redhead get away with hurting her the way she had.

Beca was used to people leaving her. Most people did. The only person that hadn't left her was Bryce. Which was why she was so confused why it hurt so much when Chloe had stopped answering her calls. After about a month Beca realized that Chloe had left, just like everyone else had. She shouldn't have been surprised, but she had been. She thought the redhead had been different, but apparently she'd misjudged.

What hurt the most about this whole situation was that Chloe had said she _missed _her. And for a moment, Beca had believed her. It felt so nice to hear the redhead say the words she hadn't realized she'd been longing to hear since Chloe left. She'd believed that Chloe truly had missed her, despite the shutting her out for five years. Beca's eyes narrowed at the thought. If Chloe had truly "missed" her, then why did it take her _five fucking years _to even _talk _to her?! Ridiculous. She didn't know what Chloe wanted out of her, but it definitely wasn't friendship. Money? A place to stay?

Beca gulped petulantly and looked down. "She's not my friend anymore."

Bryce shrugged "Okay Becs, whatever you say." She glared, emitting a laugh from her older sibling. As much as she loved Bryce, sometimes he just didn't know when to stop talking. She grabbed her bag from under the counter and started to leave.

Beca turned around, smirking. "You're locking up again." she said before walking out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Hamburger with fries." Beca whispered to her brother.

"No way! Definitely a salad guy." Bryce whispered back. Beca had to admit, the man who had just entered the Pines _was _pretty fit, but still not the kind of guy who would order a salad at a bar. Bar/ restaurant. Whatever.

On slow nights, Beca and her brother had a habit of trying to guess what their customers would order before they ordered it. They were rarely right, but it was something to pass time.

After the man had sat down, she decided she would at least give him five minutes to figure out what he wanted. She took an empty glass off of the bar counter and was turning to toward the sink when she felt a tap on her shoulder. It was a tender tap. The kind of tap that lasted a little longer than it should have, like a borderline poke. Beca shivered. She turned around to see Chloe gleaming at her. And she looked stunning.

A tight tank top covered her top half, showing a the tops of her breast. Accidental cleavage. She wore a pair of yoga pants on her legs. Beca wouldn't be surprised if the girl was wearing running-shoes. It seemed as though the girl had just come from the gym. Or some sort of rehearsal.

"Hi."

"Oh." was all Beca said, turning her back to the redhead to rinse out the empty beer glass in her hand. Hands in the sink, she began to wash the glass along with the others piled by the sink. Bryce swore that he would call someone to fix the dishwasher, but after a week of persistent promises, Beca realized she'd probably end up calling a repairman herself.

"You're Beca's friend, right?" she heard her brother asking Chloe behind her.

"Yes, I am! I'm Chloe, by the way." she giggled. Beca wouldn't have been surprised if she shook his hand. Seemed like something she'd do.

"Bryce. Beca's brother. Do you and Beca have plans or something?"

"Well, I was hoping we could hang out tonight!" Beca rolled her eyes. There was no _way _Beca would be hanging out with-

"We could close up a little earlier tonight and you could stay for dinner."

"Oh you don't have to close up early for me!" Chloe laughed.

"No seriously, it's fine. It's a Sunday, there's like no one here."

Beca spun around. "We can't just close up early Bryce, there are people still eating." Beca deadpanned. _What the hell was he doing? _

_"_We can put the closed sign up and let the people already in here finish eating. You were right, by the way. Turns out Mr. Muscles likes his burgers." Bryce winked.

Beca sighed. She wasn't getting out of this.

Bryce walked around to get to Beca's side of the counter. Chloe had sat down and was currently swinging her legs, completely oblivious to the tension going on around her.

"Excuse us." Bryce said as he pulled Beca's arm, leading her away from where Chloe sat.

"What the fuck Bryce! I told you. Me and that little trampare _not_ friends anymore!"

"Oh come on Beca! We've lived here for over a year and you still don't talk to anyone. And I get that. But really, just give her a chance. She seems like a sweet girl."

"Yeah well Kristie Alley seemedlike the kind of woman who would be thin forever but look at her now!"

Bryce rolled his eyes and started walking back towards Chloe. Beca followed.

Bryce smiled. "So what can I getcha' Chloe?"

**-xxx-**

"Ohmigosh! I remember one time when Beca and I were at Barden we decided to go to get something to eat and we went into this club, and it said "_Women drink for free!" _so obviously we went in. There were, like, only women in there and I remember thinking that was really weird, you know? But free drinks, so we stayed. And then, in the middle of Beca and I's conversation, a bunch of male strippers started to come out. Like, G-strings and everything! It was hilarious!" Chloe laughed, staring at Beca. Her eyes feigning affection. It made her sick, the way Chloe was trying to manipulate her. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Chloe, what do you want?" Beca said, jumping up from her chair.

"Wha-what do you me-"

"You know _exactly _what I mean Chloe! You come here out of the blue after five years of no contact what-so-ever." Beca spat. "So what is it? Is it money? Because if it is, I suggest you get out of here right now because I'm not giving you any fucking money!"

Chloe stood up, her eyes watering. "Beca, I came here because I care about you."

"Liar" Beca growled. She was done playing whatever game Chloe was. If she didn't cut to the chase soon, Beca would kick her out.

"It's true Beca! I . . . I missed you. A lot." Chloe said, her eyes pleading. Beca just glared. She was about to storm off when she felt slender arms wrap themselves around her middle, pressing their bodies together. The sudden touch was startling and before she could process what she was doing she was hugging Chloe back. Giving in like she shouldn't. Caring like she shouldn't.

Her senses were take over by the scent of sweet vanilla. She wondered if Chloe had always smelled so good. She couldn't remember ever noticing how someone smelled, unless it was a heavily obvious scent. This was different. It was light and sweet. Like a soap or detergent. And yet it still managed to make her head spin.

Beca pulled away from her. Chloe smiled weakly. "I should, uh, probably get going." She turned to Bryce. "Thanks for dinner. It was one of the best caeser salads I've ever had." Chloe headed towards the door.

"Wait!" Beca called, just as Chloe was about to walk out the door. "I, um, you should come again sometime." Beca said awkwardly. She had no idea why she didn't just let the redhead walk out the door. Chloe had hurt her, more than she would ever admit. And she still didn't trust her. But there was a part of Beca that just couldn't let the redhead leave, only God knows why.

Chloe beamed. "I'd like that."

Chloe spun around and walked out the door.

Beca had been right. She was wearing running shoes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Beca dug her spoon into her melting ice cream, digging canals for the liquid to travel to the bottom of the bowl. Chloe had woken up today with a determination to go out for ice cream. And who other than Beca would be forced to go with her?

"Scoot . . ."

Beca had to admit, the ice cream parlor Chloe had picked was pretty spectacular. It look like something out of a movie from the 50s. The whole shop had a vintage feel to it. _What was the name again? Auntie M's? _Beca mentally shrugged. It was Auntie _something._

"Scoot scoot scoot."

She tried to imagine what they looked like to the people around them. She thought of friends, sisters, coworkers, and briefly lovers. More often then not though, she suspected that in the eyes of the world they were just two people, unfortunate to have crossed paths, destined to disentangle in about an hour or so.

"Scoot! Scoot! Sco-"

"For the love of God Chloe can you just shut up!" Chloe giggled.

"It's such a fun word to say though! Scoot! Scoot! Scoot!" She laughed. "Say it!"

Beca rolled her eyes. "No."

Chloe sighed, resembling a puppy dog who'd just been hit. She shook the look off of her face and forced a smile. "Isn't the ice cream good here?"

"Sure." Beca knew what Chloe was trying to do. She was trying to bring them together again. Get "close" like they always used to be. She had slumber parties and popcorn written all over her pretty little face. Beca would never understand how Chloe could think that things would ever be the same. You don't throw something away unless you're absolutely sure that you'll never want it again.

"Express is starting their annual sale next week. We should go." Chloe stated, obviously trying to keep the creeping hope out of her voice.

"I hate Express. You know that."

"We could go shopping somewhere else. Where do you like to shop nowadays? Macys? Nordstrom?"

"Amazon." Beca said, rolling her eyes. She was pretty sure that if she spent anymore time with the redhead her eyes would get stuck like that.

"Okay. Well, we could, uh, do something else?" Was there anything that could make her stop talking?

"Maybe" Beca stated. Chloe instantly perked up. Beca stiffened. "Maybe isn't the same as definitely, Chloe."

Chloe didn't seem to hear her. She smiled.

"You wouldn't have said maybe if you were gonna bail." Beca exhaled. Chloe Beale was going to be the end of her.

"Or maybe I just wanted you to stop talking."

"You know Beca, you should really be nicer to me."

"And why is that?" Beca chuckled.

"Because I can get pretty nasty when you get on my bad side."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." A wicked grin worked its way across her features. Chloe swiped the inside of her ice cream bowl and tapped it onto Beca's nose.

Beca put her sleeve around her hand, getting ready to wipe the ice cream off when a Chloe grabbed her wrist.

"Wait!" Chloe giggled. "I want you to do something first!"

"And what would that be?"

"I want you to say scoot."

"No Chloe."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like saying words for no reason like you do." Beca could feel her body heat melting the ice cream on her nose. It was going to drip if she didn't wipe it off soon.

"But it's not for no reason! It's fun to do! It really is! Scoot Scoot Scoot Scoo-"

"Oh my god Chloe! I'm not going to-"

Chloe surged forward, pressing her little bubblegum-sweet tongue onto the tip of Beca's nose. Beca froze, blushing furiously. She tried to think of some sarcastic remark to redeem herself but found nothing. No thought in her mind, no words on her tongue. The only thing she could think about was Chloe's sweet touch on her face. How she craved more. She blew up like a tomato.

Chloe giggled, unaware of Beca's current state. "You taste salty."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_You did this to yourself, Mitchell. _She squirmed. Before they left the ice cream parlor, Beca had had a chance to use the restroom, but decided against it. It was only about a 15 minute drive, right? Wrong. She'd completely forgotten about rush-hour traffic. And now here she was, about ready to pee her pants in the passenger seat of Chloe Beale's car.

She let out a frustrated sigh and crossed her right leg over her left. It took all she had in her (pun completely intended) not to bounce up and down. Chloe looked over at her.

"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.

"Who, me? Yeah! I'm fine!" Beca was the kind of person who was in denial about ever needing to use the bathroom. It just wasn't something that you needed to share with someone.

Chloe gave her a questioning look, but decided to drop it. "Okay."

At least traffic was starting to move. Beca groaned. She wasn't sure if she was going to be able to make it or not.

"Okay seriously Beca what's up."

"It's nothing serious. I just uh . . . need to uh . . . . go to the bathroom kind of." She said, feeling the back of her neck along with her ears begin to burn.

"Oh." was all Chloe said. Beca began to bounce up and down. They still had at least ten minutes ahead of them. And that was if the traffic cleared up.

"I, uh, read somewhere that if you . . . never mind." Chloe blushed.

"What?"

"Well, that if you think about a . . . a sexual fantasy that it will help you, you know, hold it longer."

At this point, Beca was willing to give anything a shot.

Beca turned her head toward the window and closed her eyes, letting her mind wander to the more, per say, _pleasurable _part of her brain. She smiled as she imagined the high she would have right now if she were engaging in what she was imagining. The sweat, the ripple of pleasure as Chloe nipped at her- Chloe?! Her eyes shot open. Why had she though of Chloe, and not Ryan Gosling, or any other _male _on the planet? She wasn't even attracted to girls! Maybe it was just because she was the first person to pop into her mind.

Yeah, that was it.

As soon as the car went over a bump, Beca knew she was done.

"Chloe, pull over." she said desperately. The urge was so strong she wasn't even embarrassed anymore. Chloe did as she was told, and pulled over.

Beca immediately unbuckled herself and opened her door, slamming it behind her.

Leaning her back against the car door, Beca began to unbutton her jeans, only to realize that they weren't unbuttoning. She panicked. This couldn't be happening. She tugged again at the button to avail. Realizing that it wasn't coming undone, Beca tried to simply slide the jeans off. Nothing. And then she felt it. A waterfall coming from her lower region, soaking her jeans all the way down to her ankles.

"Classy" was not a word Beca would use to describe herself, but wetting your pants was a whole new level of trash.

Her face was a brighter red than she thought humanly possible. She was glad there weren't any trees nearby, the heat radiating off of her was enough to start a forest fire.

Beca closed her eyes. There was no way this was _actually _happening. This was just a dream. Well, nightmare.

She stood up, completely emptied. She stayed frozen for about a minutes before finally opening the car door. Chloe said nothing.

Beca hesitantly sat back down, buckling herself in. Chloe swallowed.

"Did you just-"

"No." Beca hissed.

The two of them sat in silence, neither sure what to say. Until Beca couldn't hold it in anymore. She burst out laughing, Chloe joining in shortly after.

Gasping for air, Beca croaked "Chloe I swear to God if you ever tell anyone about this I will track you down and personally run you over with a lawn mower. I mean it." causing both girls to laugh even harder.

Beca had missed this, she truly had. The laughing, the silliness, Chloe in general. But Chloe had left her. Hurt her. She couldn't let her back into her life this easily. Maybe at all. She didn't know yet. But right now she was content to sit in her urine-soaked jeans and laugh hysterically with the bubbly redhead beside her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"I'm thinking of getting a tattoo." Chloe said. She'd been sitting at the Pine's bar counter for well over an hour now, talking nonsense about silly things Beca didn't care about. Beca had said exactly three words since Chloe had come to visit her. "Chloe, I'm working." And yet the redhead stayed, sustaining the longest one-sided conversation Beca had ever heard.

"A _tattoo?!" _Beca snorted, picturing the redhead with a fiery skull tattooed onto her forehead.

"Yeah. I was thinking maybe something inspirational, you know?" That sounded more like Chloe.

Beca didn't respond.

"I was thinking maybe '_Keep on fighting_' would be a good one-"

"Keep on fighting? For what? Your freedom?" Beca teased. "From _prison_?"

Chloe rolled her eyes. "I'm serious! Like-"

"While you're at it you should get a couple teardrop tattoos, you know, to symbolize the people you killed while you were doing your time."

"Okay seriously-"

"Or maybe you should just get a giant snake tattoo, that's like, coming out of your nostril and goes all the way down to your leg. With blood dripping from it's fangs."

Chloe giggled. "I like the sound of that."

"Yeah! But if you want to look _super _unapproachable you should shave your head, and get a metal spike inserted into your head. Like a twist cap except, it's a spike in your head. Or maybe you should get some rocks put under the skin on your face, to make it look all bumpy and uneven."

"Or maybe I could just have all of my skin replaced with scales, so I look super bad-ass."

"And you should always wear red contacts. Or actually, you should just dye your eyes red."

"And then I should get 'Love kills slowly' tattooed on my tongue."

"And don't forget the eyebrow piercings."

"I wish my parents understood that I don't wanna be a normal girl, I wanna be _goth._" Beca toyed with the thought of Chloe blasting Brokencyde in a beige painted room which she had repetitively asked her mom to repaint, her eyebrow piercings flailing around as she banged her head to the beat of the song. She burst out laughing.

Somewhere along the way, Beca had lost her will to be actively upset with the redhead. Sure, she had her waves every now and then, but she considered them to be friends. Friends. Not good friends. Not best friends. Just friends. Or maybe not even friends. Pals? Chums? She was reluctant to get close to Chloe again. It was silly, really, it was. So Chloe had stopped talking to her. Big deal. That happened a lot after college. People just get so caught up in things. But Beca just couldn't let it go. It was different with Chloe. She didn't know why, it just was. It was like when she used to ask Bryce why the sky was blue. "I don't know Becs, it just is."

Over thinking. She'd been doing a lot of that lately.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Beca sighed impatiently. Over the past couple weeks, Chloe had started coming in daily to the Pines. She had told Chloe multiple times that she needed to work, that Chloe couldn't be there. But she still came in everyday, talking none stop, initiating contact as much as she could. No matter how many times Beca shriveled away.

Beca hated it. She really did.

Chloe hadn't come in for three days, and Beca had no idea why. Maybe she'd taken a hint and decided that she wasn't wanted? And yet something wasn't sitting right with Beca. It wasn't that she _wanted _the redhead around. Oh God no. That would be ridiculous. She still hated Chloe, no matter how many times she convinced herself otherwise. Sure they were _friends _again, but Beca couldn't let herself like Chloe again. Chloe had left, just like everyone else, and she hated her for it. Period. End of story. So what was this jittery feeling in her stomach?

_Pity_, she supposed.

"I haven't seen your little friend in a while. She okay?" Bryce asked from behind her.

"I called her earlier today, but she didn't pick up."

"Well, didn't she give you her address?"

"I, uh, yeah?"

"So go check on her. Make sure she's not dead." Beca snorted. She couldn't think of anything more alarming than just showing up at the redhead's house. She wasn't _that _weird.

"Sure! And maybe on my way over there I can bury the bodies of the nine little boys I molested and murdered."

"Beca, she comes here all the time. How is that any different than you going over there?"

"Because this is a public place."

Never-the-less, Beca pulled the sticky note Chloe had left her, telling her to "feel free to drop by anytime! They could watch a movie together!" She needed to make sure the redhead wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere.

**-xxx-**

She hadn't expected Chloe to live in a place like this. The ill lit lounge on the first floor of the cramped apartment building looked like a bar more than anything. Three men sat at the counter, their backs to Beca. She heard one slam his drink down in laughter, obviously drunk. One turned around and made a good natured cat call

She turned her head toward the elevator in the middle of the lounge. She hadn't been able to locate the buzzer so she figured she'd just head on up and take her chances.

She walked towards it, trying not to let her more privileged side tell her that this place was dirty, and that she needed to leave now. She pressed the button with the up arrow on it, the elevator immediately opening. She wasn't surprised. This didn't seem like the kind of place that would be busy.

When the elevator rung to let her know that she was on Chloe's floor, she jumped out of the tight spaced box only to find herself in a crammed hallway. The floor creaked under her feet as she walked down the hall. The carpet was stained with patches of brown. Beca wouldn't be surprised if it was poop.

When she finally got to Chloe's door, she double checked her sticky note to make sure it really was Chloe's, before gently knocking. No answer.

Beca sighed, wondering if she should just leave. No. She wasn't going to just leave. Since she had made the effort to come all the way over here, she was going to make sure that Chloe wasn't avoiding her. Not that she cared or anything.

Beca turned the knob, finding it to be unlocked. Chloe was always careless like that. When she opened the door, she was hit with a wave of hot air. Chloe's apartment was sweltering hot. Beca almost stripped everything off right then and there. She settled for just taking off her shoes.

"Chloe?" she called. Her apartment was small. Not cozy. Small, tastelessly covered sky to origin in a beige wallpaper. It was claustrophobic, with low ceiling, sparse lighting and a floor plan that couldn't have been more than a few meters squared. There was a small counter in the corner of the room, on it a microwave and a sink, an oven to the left. A small couch and chair sat on the other side of the room, with no television or anything in front of the set. Just a bookshelf next to the couch. A little further to the side, she saw a door, which she assumed led to the bathroom. There was a bedside table next to what Beca guessed was a mattress. It was flat on the floor, no frame.

_Calling the room an apartment had been generous, _Beca thought.

She heard a moan from the pile of blankets on top of the bed. She walked towards the noise and flicked on the bedside lamp to get a better look, only to be greeted by Chloe staring up at her with groggy eyes. Her cheeks were flushed, the rest of her body sheet white.

"Mmmm . . ." Chloe groaned reaching her hand to her head to wipe away some sweat that had been gathering at her brow line. It hardly helped though. Her hair was damp, clinging to her forehead in little childish curls. Beca had heard somewhere that sweating was good when you had a fever, getting it out or something like that. "Beca? What are you doing here?"

Despite the extreme heat in her room, Chloe was covered in three layers of blankets. And shivering.

Beca sat on the edge of Chloe's bed. "Checking on you." She gently placed a hand on Chloe's forehead. "You're sick."

Chloe giggled, closing her eyes. "Only a teensy bit."

Beca sighed, idly stroking her fingers through the redhead's hair, the damp curls slightly sticking to her fingers as if they had a mind of their own. "Have you been drinking a lot?"

Chloe didn't respond.

Beca shut her eyes to avoid rolling them. Chloe was sweating buckets. If she hadn't have gotten here, Chloe probably would've gotten dehydrated.

Beca stood up and walked over to the sink, grabbing a cup from the cabinet and filling it up with water.

"Chloe, you need to stay hydrated." she said, walking back over to the bed. She sat back down on the bed and handed Chloe the glass. The redhead gingerly took the cup and tipped it to her lips. She shivered.

Beca smiled sadly, lifting up the corner of the blanket. She began to dab at the perspiration on Chloe's forehead. When she was finished she set the blanket down, and started running her hands through slick ginger locks.

Chloe purred, nuzzling into Beca's hand. "That feels good."

She looked so pathetic laying in bed, covered in sweat and blankets, unable to keep her eyes open. But even in her mess, she still looked sweet and beautiful. Innocently young.

"Beca? I know I'm all yucky and gross right now, but will you stay? It's really lonely here when I'm by myself." She opened her eyes a crack. "You could take care of me."

Beca smoothed a red clump of hair on Chloe's forehead, and let her fingers trail down the flawless expanse of skin. Her face was so hot. Heat radiated off of her her, threatening to melt Beca's hand. She cradled the redhead's cheek in her palm.

Chloe just gazed at her passively. Her eyes looking a much darker shade of blue than usual, her pupils large and heat tears threatening to spill out at any moment. Somehow it suited her. Beca felt remiss at thinking that about someone who was at their worst, but she couldn't help but enjoy the look of complete reliance and trust in her face.

Beca rested her finger tips on Chloe's eyelids, gently sliding them shut.

"I love you Beca."she whispered. Beca froze. She couldn't remember the last time anyone had said that to her before. Sure, people had thrown it around. "I love you, have a good day" "I love you, see ya at home" "Love you, gotta go". But she couldn't remember the last time anyone had told her that they loved her just _because_. They only said it when it was necessary. It was more like a reflex than genuine affection.

Without a thought, Beca lifted up the blanket and dove under the covers into the hellish heat, wrapping her arms around Chloe.

"Sweet dreams, Chlo."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

When Bryce and Beca had been looking for a building to turn into the Pines, they had originally been interested in a building in Manhattan, where a Buffalo Wilds Wings had just moved out. It was big enough, nice quality, a fair price, and was sure to get a lot of attention. But then Beca found this building. It used to be a bar, she could tell by the counter and feel of the place. It was roomy, bigger than the other building, and going for a lot cheaper. But the Pines wouldn't get the attention and advertising that it would in Manhattan.

Just as Beca was about to leave she saw a door. Curiosity killed the cat, but Beca wanted to see what was inside. She walked towards it and pulled it open to reveal a set of stairs. Beca ran up the stairs like there was someone behind her. She didn't know why, but she was excited to see what was up there, until, that is, she saw what was actually up there. It was just a boring little bathroom, and by the looks of it, one that hadn't been used in a pretty long time. She wouldn't have been at all surprised if the water in the toilet bowl was iron stained. Just above the toilet, there was a small window. Beca put the lid down and stepped up so she could get a better view. There was a nice expansive of trees. A forest. She smiled. Beca had always loved the woods. Especially in the fall. She opened the window and lifted herself up. Just a few inches below the window she could see the roof. Sticking her leg out of the opening, she applied a bit of pressure to the surface to make sure it was stable.

_Good enough. _She pulled her entire body through the window, and sat on the roof top. It was perfect. The view, the feeling, the temperature, it was the perfect place.

After she'd discovered it, she'd convinced Bryce that they needed to buy the old bar. It had taken a lot of prodding, but eventually he agreed. "It _is _a lot roomier here."

She'd told Bryce about her secret spot, and he'd laughed at her.

"What do you do up there? Steal your parents liquor and talk about your future like you have a clue?"

Beca had snorted. "Shut up! I just . . . I like it up there, you know?"

And she did. She loved it up there. Whenever she wasn't working that was usually where she was. Alone on the roof top. Thinking. And lately a lot of that thinking had been directed towards Chloe.

Beca tilted her head back and sighed. _What a relief._ It was always so nice to go up there after a day of working, to be one with everything around her, to hear nothing but the sound of the trees brushing together ever so slightly.

Externally, not much had changed between Beca and Chloe. Chloe was still too touchy and Beca was still unsure. She wanted to have Chloe in her life again. No, more than wanted. She _craved _it. The feeling of having a friend again. A friend that cared. A friend who would say those three little words to her for no reason. Chloe Beale was like the cigarette addiction she forgot she ever had. You go so long without smoking and then out of the blue you remember how much you want a cigarette, how much you _need _a cigarette. But, like most addictions, smoking is bad, and something that one should avoid, no matter how much you convince yourself you want it. That you need it.

There was a strange rustling that tore through her almost gratefully from her strange barrage of thoughts. Beca gave a half hearted little jump. She was just noticing how cold she was. It looked like it was about to rain.

"It's kinda chilly out there!" a voice squealed behind her and Beca didn't even try to stop the smile that pulled at her lips.

"Chloe, how did you find me up here?"

Chloe's head popped out of the window and Beca watched as she pulled herself through.

Chloe giggled. "I know you, silly." Her nose was bitten with a touch of pink flush that suited her better than almost her normal complexion.

Beca chucked as Chloe stood on the roof, blowing on her hands as she rubbed them together. She looked so cute, so childish, so pretty.

Chloe walked over to where Beca was seated and plopped herself down. She stared out into the trees. "It's beautiful." She whispered more to herself than to Beca. Chloe reached over and intertwined Beca's hand with her own. Their fingers fit together with a warmth that surprised them both.

Chloe's hands where soft, just like her own. Except Chloe's hands were soft in a more feminine manner. Beca's just felt like she had an addiction to lotion.

She'd been so entranced by the sudden contact that she didn't even realize that it had begun to drizzle.

"It's raining." Chloe said simply. No emotion, no meaning, just a mindless statement. Chloe talk, Beca liked to call it.

"I guess it is." Beca replied, looking down to see that she was still holding the other girl's hand.

They sat like that, letting the rain glue their clothes to their bodies and their hair to their heads. Chloe bending her neck ever so slightly towards Beca's shoulder.

Chloe jolted forward. "I think I heard thunder. We should go in." The girls stood to their feet, Beca gently pulling her hand from the redhead's grip. She walked towards the window and climbed through, Chloe following close behind. Once they were both inside the cramped bathroom, Beca shut the window. She turned around to see Chloe sitting on toilet with the lid down.

"Can you help me with my nylons?" She asked jovially through a bubbling laugh. " I don't want to tear them! And my legs itch!"

Beca titled her head to the side, thinking over what Chloe had said. The cold must had gotten to her, she couldn't focus on any one thought.

Their eyes met with a strange intensity as Beca placed both knees on the tile below her. She let her fingers dance up the wet clothed leg before her. She moved so agonizingly slow, just for the sake of the feel, and the half-thought that she would never be able to remove her hand if she tried.

Beca's shaking fingers reached the hem of Chloe's nylons mechanically. She could hardly think, but somehow managed movement. She hooked her fingers around the laboriously sewn hem, letting her knuckles brush along the tender skin of Chloe's beautiful leg, and held there for a fraction of a second longer than she should have. But what was Chloe to her any way but a long series of irrationally wasted seconds, gazes held just long enough to be abnormal, misplaced touches that occurred much too frequently to be on accident.

The sensation of touching Chloe's skin was feverish. Her fingers radiated with a foreign warmth, an absolutely hedonistic vibration. Her mouth became dry, her breath caught in her throat. _What was wrong with her?_

And then it hit her, like she was the damaged window a bird had just flown into.

She fell back, breaking contact completely. It seemed so simple and fast, like such an easy thing, but her heart ached, but she felt vaguely nauseous.

"Beca, are you okay?" Chloe asked anxiously. Beca stayed silent, unable to will herself to respond.

"You're not sick, are you?" Chloe whispered, her voice dripping with concern. She got down onto Beca's level and placed a wet hand on her cheek.

"I, uh, no. I'm fine." Beca stuttered, backing away from Chloe's hand.

How could she not have known? After all this time, how had she not realized?

She was attracted to Chloe.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Her mother was cold. Beca had always known that. She was the type of woman that bought plain Cheerios instead of the Frosted kind. She was strict. She was frigid. She wasn't loving like other mothers. On Beca's first day of school, her mother hadn't even walked her to the bus stop, she had just told her to follow Bryce. She was a cold hearted woman. Sometimes Beca wondered if she even had a heart. It wasn't that she was mean, she was just . . . _unattached. _To her children. To her husband. To everyone around her.

She was beautiful, strikingly so. She had a thin body and a cold face. She always dressed like she was freezing. When Beca was younger, she'd had a theory that her mother was cold-blooded. Beca knew that her mother didn't love her. It was obvious. With each look her mother gave her, each hug that was more of a grasp than anything. She'd never said it out loud, she didn't need to. Beca knew.

When Beca was in high school, she'd considered herself bisexual. It was short lived though. When Beca had told her mother, she had laughed, her strict, cold laugh and told Beca that there was no such thing: She either liked girls or boys. Not both. And her mother had made it very clear that it was the latter she liked.

And Beca had believed her. She had had three boyfriends. She'd fucked all three of them. She'd enjoyed it. Didn't that mean she was straight?

Well, apparently not.

Suddenly the world seemed exciting. Nothing had changed of course. So it was strange that she found herself with a gusto for life that she hadn't had since before- well, just before.

But in back of her mind, she knew what it was. That she was with her special someone. That just being with her made her heart skip a beat. She was so beautiful, like a creation of the Gods. Beca had never thought that Chloe was made of flesh and bone, but soft satin clay, mounded to smooth perfection.

"Oooh! We should get Skittles!" Chloe cooed. Beca had needed to go grocery shopping after work, and when she told Chloe, Chloe declared that she " absolutely loved grocery shopping!" and insisted on coming with her.

"Chloe," Beca scolded, grabbing her arm. She'd been doing this the whole time they were out. Chloe was like a child. She had to touch everything. _Everything. _

Chloe turned her bright eyes Beca's way, flashing her a smile. "What? I just think we should get Skittles!"

Beca sighed. "Maybe on the way back. If you're a good girl."

Chloe giggled. "Don't worry, I'm _always_ good." They made their way towards the next distraction. This time it was a balloon display.

"Oh my gosh I LOVE balloons! Beca, you know how much I love balloons! Please?"

Beca rolled her eyes and kept walking in the direction she was heading. This would have gone a whole lot faster if she would have just left Chloe behind. She made a mental note never to take Chloe to the grocery store ever again. It was like having a toddler too big to put in the cart.

Chloe scurried after her, holding a bottle of soda.

"Chloe, no."

"Oh come _on _Beca! What's the point of going to the grocery store with you if you're not even going to buy me a treat?" she whined.

"Put it back."

"But-"

"Put it back, Chloe." Chloe pouted and turned towards where the bottle had come from. Beca continued towards the cereal aisle. Of coursethey would put Captain Crunch all the way at the end, just so she had to walk past all the boxes of Special Kand all the other healthier choices. When she finally got to the end of the aisle, she paused. Regular Captain Crunch or Captain Crunch with berries? _Oh the impossible decisions life throws at you. _She grabbed the one with berries and put it in her cart.

"But seriously do you think he meant he liked me or that he _liked _liked me?" she heard a girl in the next aisle over ask. She couldn't make out the reply. Beca snorted.

She loved to listened to people. Didn't they know what they sounded like? People were so easy. They reveal every little thought in their heads without even realizing it. Even the dirty little thoughts they'd want to keep secret. Especially the dirty little thoughts.

Sometimes Beca had the vague wish that she could be one of them. She wished her only worries were about whether her shoes looked nice or if she was being a good enough sister, mother, daughter, girlfriend. She wished sometimes that she could be dumb. Dumb and happy.

Instead she was drowning in a terrible feeling of cowardice. She had the intelligence to think about life and morals outside the mores someone had pushed on her, the world had pushed on her. She knew that at the end of the day, each and every human being was an animal ripe for the picking, loyal to only his or her own self. She knew that emotions were imaginary, the world simply just was, and if you'd get too caught up in the feelings of things you'd be too heavy to float. She knew that love was just an automatic response to people and things that satisfied needs. She knew she was all alone.

She knew all those things, but for a minutes she wished she didn't.

Just a minute.

"Beca?"

"No."

"You don't even know what I was gonna say!"

"No, but I have a pretty good idea."

"Please, Beca! Just _one _donut. After that I promise I'll shut up! Promise."

"Just like you promised we would stay in touch?"

Chloe stared at her, taken a back.

Beca shifted awkwardly. _Shit. _"Uh, what kind of donut do you want, Chloe?"

Chloe smiled. "Chocolate. Duh."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Chloe. Beca hadn't been able to get the redhead out of her head. The girl polluted her very being. And it made her mad. It made her mad that Chloe was on her mind all the time, but the brunette was most likely never on hers. Sure, she came in daily, but she probably had a boy toy she was thinking about while she was with Beca.

Beca didn't know _why _that made her mad. Chloe wasn't attracted to her, and never would be. Period. And besides, it wasn't like Beca cared about Chloe _romantically._ Romance was for fools. To be a bit crude, she just though the girl was hot. Thin, tan, big boobs, nice butt. She was a tease. A tease who had Beca wrapped around her finger and didn't even know it

The sooner Beca got over her little-_whatever this thing was_-the sooner she could get on with her life.

"Welcome to the Pines, what can I get you?" She asked a couple who had sat down a couple minutes ago. She looked over to the bar counter where Chloe had been sitting for about an hour now. Beca hadn't said one word to her.

"Hi Bryce!" Chloe greeted her brother as he walked over to wear she was sitting.

"Hi Chloe. Is there anything I can get for you? A beer? Anything?" he asked.

"No thanks. Do you know why Beca hasn't taken her break yet? It's getting late and I'm getting lonely."

Beca licked her lips. "It's a busy night, you know?"

"There's like, nobody here!" Chloe whined. "You know, I think you're ignoring me. And I don't like it one bit."

Beca rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm not ignoring you."

"Well then why aren't you talking to me?"

"I told you. I'm busy." Beca muttered. Why couldn't the redhead just leave her alone?

"But Beca, you're not busy so-"

"Chloe, why are you still here?"

"Well, I, guess, I-" _Guess._ Beca snorted. _She guesses. _

"God you are so pathetic!" Chloe looked up at Beca with wide eyes. "Why do you think that it's okay to just come after five fucking years and pick up where we left off like nothing ever happened, huh? Without apologizing? I mean for fucks sake Chloe! Why are you here? I thought if I was nice to you you'd go away on you're own but I _guess _that's not gonna happen!"

"Beca I-"

"Can you leave?" Beca didn't know what had come over her. She was so _mad._ "I don't know why I let this continue for as long as I did. I don't need you here, okay? I don't _want _you here!"

"Beca stop it!" her brother glared at her.

She was crying. Chloe was crying. Her make-up was running down her face, but she made no attempt to wipe it off.

"I-I'm sorry Beca. I'll leave-e." She stuttered, her voice cracking into a half sob.

Beca didn't know what to do at this point. She felt empathy looking at the girl in front of her. She looked so weak, so helpless. All Beca wanted to do was coddle her. But she couldn't. If Chloe walked out that door, Beca could get her mind back on track, and away from the redhead who had drawn herself into the picture.

Chloe stood up, and walked towards the door. She looked back at Beca one last time before stepping outside.

She didn't know why she felt so empty watching Chloe leave. It's what she'd wanted since the beginning, wasn't it?

Wasn't it?


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Six. That's how old Beca had been when she'd lost her father, or rather, he lost her.

She remembered that it was cold. She couldn't remember what season it was, but it was cold. Beca remembered because her brother and her had piled blankets over the table in their living room, making a fort so they could sleep close to the fireplace. She had no idea what time it was, but it was dark when she woke up. Her father was hovered over her, his lips puckered like he'd just kissed her on the head.

"Daddy?" He smiled dumbly, reaching into his pocket.

"I have something for you." He whispered, his breath reeking of alcohol and only God knows what else. He lifted his hand up to reveal a gold necklace. A locket. She sat up, reaching for the gift.

"Hold your hair up," Beca did as she was told. His fingers were sloppy in clasping the chain. He cursed, almost dropping the necklace. It took a good amount of time before he was successful in getting it on her.

The gold felt cold on her neck, causing her whole body to break out in goose bumps. Her father stood up.

"Keep your brother out of trouble, kiddo." he smiled, patting her head before backing up. Beca laid down, resting her head on her pillow. She heard the door close before drifting off.

The next morning, he was gone. She thought that he had gone on vacation. A very long vacation. Her mother never talked about him. After a while, Beca just got used to the idea that he was gone. That he had left her. She didn't hear from him again until she was sixteen, and by that time, she had already flushed the locket down the toilet. She'd made a point to tell him.

Everybody always leaves. No. Everybody Beca cares about always leaves. She used to think that it was everybody else. That it was everybody else's fault that they left her. But it wasn't everybody else. It was her. She was defective. There was something about her that made her unlovable.

Even when she tried so hard, tried to be above average, she was met with nothing but cold eyes. It didn't make sense. She never understood why nobody loved her. It hurt, it really did at first. The way she was rejected by her mother, her father, her friends. The only person she had was Bryce. But Bryce had other people. Lots of other people.

But eventually she got used to it, the idea of being unlovable. She learned to live with it. She could be alone. She didn't need people who cared about her. She didn't _need _anyone.

She especially didn't need Chloe. She never did need her. Ever. And she still didn't. Beca could let Chloe go. She didn't need her. She didn't. She _didn't. _

Beca hadn't moved for the longest time. Bryce was talking to her, probably lecturing her about Chloe. She wouldn't know, she wasn't listening.

She felt sick to stomach. A bodily ploy to tempt her into doing what she knew she couldn't do. Chloe was probably half way home now. Beca could still catch her. Apologize. She didn't like feeling bad.

She took a deep breath. She needed to clear her mind. _The rooftop._ Yes. She still had the rooftop. Maybe her thoughts would be nicer up there. If she went up there, maybe she could trick herself into believing once again that being by herself was a good thing.

Moving towards the door, she already felt a little better. Just the though of breathing in cool air made her relax. When she got to the door, she opened it, and began walking up the stairs until she reached the bathroom. She climbed through the window onto the roof.

What she saw.

Their eyes met with an almost palpable energy. Beca lost her breath. There were no words. Just nothing.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Chloe started and tried desperately to scramble to her feet. There were tracks of eye make up running down her face. How had she gotten up here? Did she climb? "I was going to leave, but I couldn't. I'm sorry. I'm so stupid."

Beca just stared at her.

"I know you hate me, Beca. I know that. But, I just, I like being around you. I like you. A lot." Chloe had relaxed a bit when Beca hadn't immediately tried to jump off of the roof. "I thought that you'd come up here and I wanted get to see you one last time so I came up here too and I guess I was right. Stupid, I know."

"You're an idiot." Beca almost laughed. "I'm glad though, I'm really glad."

"I'm sorry." Chloe choked on a sob, turning her face away from Beca's.

Why couldn't she say anything? This was it, wasn't it? Why she was unlovable? She pushed people away. She assumed that all people were the same, that they were all like her parents. Even when she had the power to relieve herself from being alone, she didn't. There were no words in her brain.

What did she want? What the hell did she want?

"D-don't leave me," Beca hissed, the phrase leaving her mouth before she could process what she'd said. The words came as a huge relief to her. She felt so much lighter now that she'd said them, after how long of thinking them?

Chloe smiled, wiping at her tears. "Of course I'll stay, Beca."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

The two of them were all alone together in Beca's car, the window rolled down. The air outside had a taste to it, it was strangely wet, was just part of the night that had a presence of its own.

"You didn't have to drive me back, you know." Chloe muttered, hardly disguising an ounce of child rakishness. She sounded fairly bitter, very against her usual forgive and forget attitude. "You don't need to hold my hand. I'm an adult."

Beca nodded, not meeting her eyes. "I know."

The sound settled between them again. It was almost palpable.

The humming.

The quiet.

"It's nice of you though, even though I'll have to go get my car eventually. I mean, thanks."

"I'm happy to do it."

"I'm sure-"

"I _am _happy to do it." Beca asserted. Better than driving home alone and wondering if Chloe would even bother to come see her ever again.

"And I-I'm sorry, Chloe. For what I said. That was-"

"Beca?" she whispered.

Chloe looked so pretty in the dark. She looked very pretty in the day as well, but the night hid, disguised her in a lustful manner. Made her look hardly herself, and yet still reeking with the raw sensuality that could only come from Chloe. The soft shadows, the ever passing colored lights made her face a smooth palette of color with deep, deep darks around her eyes, on her plump reddened lips, on the ever so slight cleft of her little chin.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want me?"

Beca almost choked. "Wh-what?"

"Do you want me to be here with you? You don't have to pretend to like me, you know. It's okay. I don't want you to be polite, or feel guilty or anything like that. Really, it's fine."

"Believe me Chloe. If I didn't want you around, I wouldn't be here right now."

Chloe smiled, laughing gently. "Thanks, I think?"

Beca allowed herself to smile. She wanted to stand, to move, to scream. She just felt so bubbly, so restless, so giddy for the first time in what felt like ages. Long after that insubordinate smile died off her lips and the two of them settled back into a comfortable friendly silence, the feeling didn't leave. It clung to her skin, to her thoughts, and to the slender hand she hadn't even realized was intertwined with Chloe's.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Chloe was late. She usually was at the Pines by two. It was four. Bryce had told her to "pull her underwear out of her butt." and "calm the fuck down.". She was probably just at rehearsal or some other silly thing.

It wasn't that she was worried. She was fairly certain that Chloe was still breathing. So she didn't know what was wrong with her. She was just disquieted, on edge. Something didn't feel right in the pit of her stomach and she wanted the feeling to go away. If Chloe was there with her, fine and well she could be comfortable again.

She sighed, turning to serve the two men that had just come him. Her converse tapped across the flooring to the thrumming of her heart, to the ticking of a clock, just another cog. Tick, tick, tick. This was going to be a long day.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

"Beca!" someone called from the entrance of the restaurant. She knew that voice, it was Chloe's. She turned quicker than she should have allowed herself too. _Don't want to seem _too _desperate. _

Chloe looked cute and summery, like she hadn't been dead after all. An involuntary smile passed Beca's lips, but died instantly when she saw who was with her.

Aubrey.

Beca didn't have anything against Aubrey. Sure, the girl was an uptight bitch, but she'd gotten better as time went on. They didn't talk anymore, though. In fact, until that moment, Beca had forgotten that the girl even existed. They were never really friends, even after the Bella's first win at nationals. The few exchanges that they had had after that had been awkward ones, so she wasn't too upset to see the blonde go.

She flashed Aubrey a small smile, less genuine than the one she'd given Chloe, but a smile none-the-less. The blonde returned the gesture.

"Hello Beca. Long time no see."

_Oh boy._ The girl had only said six words and Beca was already uncomfortable.

"Yeah, uh, hello . . . to you too." she laughed nervously. A bad habit of hers, laughing when she was uncomfortable.

"Look what I found!" Chloe giggled, gesturing to Aubrey. "We went out for lunch and shopped a little. You know, caught up and stuff. It was fun."

Beca looked down at her shoes.

"I kept telling Aubrey that you owned a bar now, but she didn't believe me- See? I _told _you!"

"I thought you wanted to be a Dj." Aubrey asked more than said.

"Yeah, well, at one point I also wanted to be a mermaid."

She felt a hand on her shoulder. "Jeez Beca. Another one? They just keep coming and coming!" Bryce chuckled.

"Uh, Bryce this is my frie-, this is Aubrey." Beca gestured towards the blonde.

"Hello Bryce. It's a pleasure to meet you." Aubrey stepped forward, holding her hand out. Bryce hesitated before shaking her hand. When he turned his back to the blonde, he gave Beca an _Is she serious? _look. Beca smirked. Her and her brother were never taught to shake hands without spit on them.

"Aubrey came to visit me for the weekend. I figured we could all hang out together or something." Chloe looked at Beca. "I mean, if you want to. No pressure or anything."

Beca nodded. "That would be fun. It's been a while since we've talked, Aubrey."

"Yeah, I guess it has been."

**-xxx-**

She was suppose to be wiping down the tables and locking up so she could go home.

Bryce had left early and Aubrey had called a cab to take her to the hotel she was staying at while she was in town.

It was only about nine in the evening, but it was completely silent. Usually, Beca would hear a few cars driving by but not tonight. The streets were vacant.

Even Chloe respected the silent vow. Sticking to herself for once instead of getting into Beca's business. She had her back turned to Beca, nose pressed up against the window like a child. She was waiting for Beca to finish.

It was a strange little thing she did. Beca never really thought about it until that instant, but Chloe really had no reason at all to be there so late. Everyday, she waited for Beca to leave, so she could leave too. Just like every day she watched Beca work, playing with her hair and smiling like a maniac.

It was _strange. _It had been those exact behaviors that had made Beca suspicious that the girl was up to something in the first place. Even now her mind wrapped and coiled around pointless ideas and still came up blank at the end of the day. Why did Chloe put up with her? There had to be some motive for it. People don't just _do _things. There was always a reason. There has _got_ to be a reason.

Beca mindlessly moved towards Chloe. She was settled in a table after all. Beca would have to wipe it down eventually.

Still, Chloe didn't turn. She sat silently, eyes glued to the window in complete focus. Beca wondered what she could possibly be thinking about that lay outside that small little window.

She looked so very pretty with that look of utter concentration. It was quite the contrast from her usual bright care free facial, but Beca thought it suited her.

She inched closer.

Chloe was wearing a light pink tank top with a lacy beige skirt that's hem rested on her lower thigh . Although she couldn't see her feet, she wouldn't be surprised if Chloe was wearing flip flops. Beca though the girl was insane. _It's mid November you weirdo!_ Though, that's not to say the brunette didn't enjoy the surplus of bare leg the skirt allowed.

Beca had decided from the beginning that Chloe had wonderful legs. Marvelous actually. They were so smooth and toned. Every little joint on those legs was delicious and so achingly smooth. She loved the gentle slope of the small of her calf tapering away into a delicate little ankle. She loved how tightly she'd always kept them perfectly shaven and smooth like silk, so that even when her legs were covered Beca could hear the mellifluous sound of her soft knees running past each other and just the echo of that movement, that touch, would make a spike of electricity run up her spine.

Even just as she was, she was wonderful. Beautiful. God, so achingly beautiful. It left her heartbroken to look into those wet blue eyes, making her chest swell almost painfully until she had to look away.

She wanted to take those little hands in hers. She wanted to taste the salt of her skin. She wanted to smell her scent, her heavy sweet vanilla scent up close. She wanted to dive in it, taste it, and walk away with the faint smell clinging to her skin.

Beca sat down in the booth with Chloe. She didn't acknowledge Beca's presence at all, she did, however, lift a finger to the frost covered window pane drawing what looked like little people on it's surface. She moved suddenly to moved her curls to the side, reveal a wonderful view of her neck and the gentle bow into her shoulder. The skin there looked perfectly white and intimate. Soft and untouched. Sensitive.

"Can you tell which one's you?" Chloe spoke finally, sending chills down Beca's spine.

"Which one what?"

Chloe giggled. "You're the one with the giant ear spike, see?"

"I took those out a while ago." Beca said, drumming her fingers on the table. Beca scanned her eyes restlessly over to the little window pane that Chloe had been drawing on. There was in fact two little people there, crudely drawn, one with a giant grin and the other, well, the other was Beca. They were little more than stick figures, but still she found their positioning a bit "odd". Were they… dancing? Yeah they had to be dancing.

"Are we . . .dancing?"

Chloe let out an exasperated sigh, like they'd been in the middle of a lecture and Beca asked to use the bathroom. "No, silly!"

Beca reexamined the doodle. Still looked like dancing.

Chloe rolled her eyes and let out a defeated sigh. She turned from her slowly to look back at her little drawing on the window, gently leading Beca's head to follow.

"Now look."

Beca exhaled. "We're in the fountain?" It appeared she had positioned her little stick figures so that they were intermingling in the fountain in front of the Westchester mall.

Chloe smiled. "Yup. I mean, I know it's too cold now, but when it gets warmer that's what we're gonna do."

"Dance in the fountain?"

"Dance, swim, sing, play Marco Polo. Anything." Chloe lowered her voice. "As long as I'm with you, I don't care."

Beca stiffened. She was flushed and she knew it, but she tried to keep her dignity regardless. "Chloe, that's ridiculous! You don't think we'd actually do that, do you?"

Chloe frowned. "No, I guess not."

Once Beca had finished cleaning, she grabbed her coat. Chloe had stood up from her table and was getting ready to walk out with Beca.

As they walked towards the exit, Beca stared back at the little window drawing. There, to the side of the fountain doodle, was a drawing of a little heart. Beca smiled to herself. Even though she knew that Chloe didn't feel any attraction towards her, it still warmed her up. Chloe was so cute.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

****"You should've gotten the salad Beca! It's a_maz_ing!" Chloe laughed, putting another spoon full of lettuce in her mouth. Beca had never been found of salad. She thought that it was dry and tasteless, and not worth the effort of swallowing down.

"I don't like salad." she responded, looking down at her bowl of Wild Rice soup. Chloe had decided that since it was Aubrey's last day in town, they should all go out to lunch. Beca didn't understand Chloe's lust for unity. It wasn't that her and Aubrey disliked each other, they just weren't meant to be friends. And because of that, this had been one of the most uncomfortable lunches Beca had had since she ate in the locker room in 6th grade.

Aubrey cleared her throat. "So Beca . . .how's that-er, restaurant of yours? The Oaks was it?"

"The Pines actually," Beca corrected. "And it's uh, you know, good? You know Bryce? Yeah, that's my brother. We, uh, own the place together. It's pretty rad." _Rad? Out of all the words . . . _What was she, a surfer?

"Well that's very nice to here, Beca." the blonde said pleasantly.

She had to admit that Aubrey was making an effort. And as awkward as it made Beca feel, she appreciated it.

Chloe gulped down the rest of her water and giggled. "I need to use the little girls' room!" she declared, standing up to make her way to the restroom.

Beca rolled her eyes. "I swear to God she's five years old."

Aubrey laughed. "Maybe we should go with her in case she needs help."

"Did you bring the diaper bag in case she has an accident?"

"No but there might be some extras in the stroller."

"We should probably get her a kids menu."

"Remind me to fix her car seat before we leave."

"I need to get home. She wet the bed last night and I still haven't changed the sheets."

"Maybe we should pick up some coloring books on the way home."

"I feel like I should start weening her off of my breast milk pretty soon."

The two girls burst into laughter. "You know Beca, in a weird way, I actually kind of missed you."

Beca smiled. "I missed you too, Aubrey. I really like our little exchanges, as awkward as they are."

"Well maybe next time I come to visit, we can work on making those a little less awkward." She smiled genuinely at the brunette.

"Does that . . . does that mean we're friends?"

"Why Beca Mitchell, yes, I think it does."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Beca groaned. This wasn't the first time she wished she could just shut her mind off.

She'd gone to the roof again. She'd been up there for hours. _Why _had Chloe left? It was so silly, she knew it was. Yet it kept coiling itself around her brain, engulfing her nerves with venom.

The most probable explanation Beca had come up with was that she simply forgot. Forgot to call back, forgot to stay in contact.

Beca knew that was it. She'd forgotten about her. She really wasn't a person you'd want to stay in touch with.

So why was she back now? Was it to settle her guilty conscience? Did she feel bad about leaving the moronic little brunette behind?

"Beca, are you _crazy_?! It's freezing up here!"

Beca would have thought it ironic that Chloe always seemed to show up when the she was thinking about her, but then again, when was Beca _not _thinking about the redhead?

She heard the older girl's feet shuffling towards her. When she reached her destination, she settled down, nuzzling into Beca for warmth.

"Chloe, if I ask you something, do you promise to give me an honest answer?"

"I guess so?"

Beca took a deep breath. She had to know. She had to know why the redhead had left. Or rather, had to here her say it out loud.

"Why did you leave me?" the words came out whiny and clingy, and Beca instantaneously regretted letting them out of her mouth.

"Huh?"

"I mean . . . that's not what I meant. That is _so _not what I meant." Beca could feel her heart beat in her ears. "What I meant to ask was, why did you leave- why didn't you talk to me for five years?"

Chloe inhaled sharply. "I just, got busy. You know? No biggie. I'm here now."

It was like an icicle had just pierced through Beca's skin. Through her chest. Through her heart. She had been right. She had been right all along. Chloe felt guilty. That's why she was here. Of course that was why she was here. And once her conscience was settled, she'd leave again and never look back.

"No biggie? I know why you're here Chloe. I do. I really do. You feel bad, right? You feel bad about abandoning you're stupid little college friend after saying you wouldn't. _Promising_ you wouldn't. Well you know what you little _cunt_? I'm done indulging your guilty conscience, alright? So why don't you just fuck off and _leave me alone_." Beca spat, jumping to her feet.

"Beca that's not-"

Beca spun around, stomping towards the window. Her throat tightened. She felt like she was suffocating. Her eyes began to water, threatening a flood. That bitch. She needed to get out of there.

"Beca wait! _Please_!"

She heard Chloe running towards her. She kept walking.

"Beca please! I _love _you!" Beca stopped walking. Stopped. Couldn't continue. What was the difference really. She felt tears begin to spill onto her cheeks. She was so mad but . . . . but those _words._ She knew they were meaningless, make believe. Love wasn't real. She knew that. And she definitely knew that if love _was _real that she wouldn't feel it for Chloe Beale. The girl was a tease. Nothing more.

Beca brought her arm up to her cheeks to swat away the tears. _Get a hold of yourself, Mitchell. _

"Beca, please let me explain." Beca didn't know what made her turn around.

"Fine." she hissed.

"Do you remember when I told you about Emma?" Beca smirked. Emma was a girl in Chloe's ninth grade home room who was in absolute _lesbians _with her. She complemented the redhead's breasts, staring at them frequently. She made jokes about having sex with her too often and smacked her butt like it was nothing. It had made Chloe uncomfortable to say the least.

"Yeah, I do. What does that have to do with anything?"

"When I . . . during college . . . Beca, I . . . I . . . Beca I _fell_ for you. Like, I wanted to kiss you fell for you." She whispered more to herself than to Beca. "I don't know how it happened. Well, I mean, I" do know how it happened -I'm sorry. I really am sorry."

"I wanted them . . the _feelings . . . _to go away, but they just . . . wouldn't, you know, go away. And, I mean, it hurt a lot to know that you would never feel the same way, but then again it didn't matter. You cared about me. Even if it wasn't how I wanted you too, you did."

"I . . .it got to be a lot more than a crush. It . . . Beca, I fell in _love _with you. And it scared me as much as I'm sure it's scaring you right now." She laughed bitterly.

Beca was speechless.

"When you . . . kissed _him_, Jesse, it uh, you know, it hurt? I don't even know if that's the right word for it though. It broke something in me, I think is a better way to put it. It was when I saw you kissing him that I realized _Wow, I really don't have a chance. _And I mean, I knew that before, but _seeing _it. Wow. That stung."

Chloe swallowed. "I wanted to keep you in my life Beca. You have to believe me. I did. I don't think I've ever wanted anything more, actually. But I couldn't. I . . .it wasn't healthy. Being in love with someone who didn't, who would never love me back."

"And I . . . Beca, I didn't want to be your Emma. I didn't want you to talk to your friends about how weird I was and . . .and how you wished I would leave you alone." The girl was crying. Chloe was crying.

"But I couldn't not talk to you. I had to talk to you again Beca. I missed you. So, so much. And that's-that's why I'm here now. Because I couldn't stay away. I couldn't stay away from you Beca." The redhead croaked. She was hysterical. Beca wrapped her arms around the girl and kissed her temple.

"Shhhhh, Chlo. It's okay." She whispered, trying to soothe her. She ran her fingers through her hair. "Just, just promise me you won't ever do it again."

"Do what again?" Chloe asked hoarsely.

"Leave me."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

They hadn't talked about it. Chloe's feelings for her. Beca hadn't wanted to.

"Jesus Beca. You're gonna have to talk about it sooner or later." But Beca disagreed. The two of them were back to normal. Chloe never brought it up, so neither did Beca.

Sure, Beca's heart still raced when she was around the redhead but it was _not _because she felt any emotional attachment to her. Chloe was a friend. One she'd like to fuck, yes, but still just a friend.

_Bang. _

_Bang._

_Bang. _

Beca groaned. Who the hell was knocking on her door so early in the morning?!

_Bang._

_Bang._

_Bang. _

She rolled her eyes and pulled the covers over her head. Maybe if she just-

_Bang. _

_Bang._

_Bang. _

"Alright, alright! I'm coming!" she yelled, throwing the covers off of her.

She grabbed a pair of flannel pajama pants off of the floor and put them on. Beca didn't believe in wearing pants to bed, or really anywhere around her house. She thought they were uncomfortable. It was _her _house.

She trotted down the stairs and yanked open the door.

"It's about _time!_" Chloe giggled.

"Chloe, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Good morning to you too, Beca!" She piped happily, her eyes wide and bright. Ungodly, for such an hour. "I didn't want to wake you up, but since you're already up . . ."

Beca straightened herself up groggily. Her face dropped into a unfriendly glare when she saw the faint bluish hue clinging to the early morning light. On her first day off in what seemed like a lifetime, instead of getting a much-needed full night of sleep she was awoken at dawn.

Oblivious to her mood, Chloe smiled. "You look so _cute _when you just wake up! I like it." Her voice peaked at shrill points that made Beca want to smack her in the mouth and shiver all at the same time.

"Well, I guess you're wondering why I'm here, huh."

"You could say that."

"Oh my gosh Beca, you wouldn't believe it! I went to bed last night just like any other night. But when I woke up in the morning and walked outside- Bam! There was snow, everywhere!"

"And?" Beca hissed.

"Aaaand . . . I just wanted to play in the snow with you a little bit. You know, write in the snow, build snow men, make snow angels. You know, just have fun!" She laughed.

_She woke me up to play in the god damn snow?! _"I'm too tired Chloe. And I don't like being cold when I can help it."

"Oh. Well, we could do something inside then!"

"Chloe-"

"Whaddya wanna do? We could watch TV or something. Or a movie? Or-"

"Sleep, Chloe, sleep. I'm tired. I don't want to play in any damn snow right now."

"Oh, okay . . ." Chloe trailed off, looking slightly offended. The downtrodden look tugged obtrusively on Beca's heartstrings. Beca hadn't half an idea what she had said wrong but nonetheless wanted to smooth it over. There it was again, that "coddling" thing.

"Chloe, I'll play with you in a little bit, I promise." Beca smiled groggily. "But can I just sleep first? Please?"

Chloe lit up. "Yeah, totally!"

Beca started back up the stairs. She heard the door close, and shoes coming off. Beca smiled to herself.

She reached her bedroom about a minute ahead of Chloe. "I _am _going to sleep now." She said to the redhead.

Beca climbed under the covers and closed her eyes. A faint rustling fabric resonated dully in the back of her mind. She felt a slight draft as the covers lifted. Chloe dove under the blanket, instantly huddling to her, head tucked shyly under Beca's chin and clung to her in an embrace that was almost suffocating.

Beca breathed in her sweet heavy scent with elation. It smelt so much stronger up close, so much more deliriously intimate. She wondered if the smell would cling to her after the redhead left. To her clothes. To her bed…

"Chloe," Beca whispered. "There's a bed in the guest room that you are more than welcome too.

Chloe moved her soft head in a nuzzling motion at the bare skin of Beca's neck, making her shuddered visibly.

"I know." Chloe replied softly. Beca could feel the vibration and warmth of her words dancing on her collarbone. "I'd just rather stay here with you."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Beca clung nervously to the side of her sled. Unfortunately for her, Beca lived in extremely close proximity to the community trails, which just so happened to have very steep hills. "Perfect for sledding!" as Chloe put it.

"I still can't believe that you've never been sledding!"

Beca glared. "I told you, I have been sledding before. Just not on this steep of a hill."

"So you haven't _really _been sledding. Baby sledding, maybe, but not like this." Chloe giggled.

They walked over to the peak of the hill. Chloe set her sled down.

_Holy. Fuck. _They were going to die. There was no doubt about it. Not only was the slope dangerously steep, but there were trees rooted on the sled course. Trees. Fucking trees.

"Chloe no. Absolutely not. Nope. No." She said, backing away from the hill. She'd be lucky to only have a few broken bones after sledding down this course.

"Oh come _on _Beca! Don't be a scaredy cat!"

"I'm not being a 'scaredy cat' Chloe. I'm just being somebody who doesn't want to die."

"I'll tell ya what. I'll go down first, and if I die, you don't have to go down. Promise. But if I _live, _you're getting your butt down that hill. Are we clear, scaredy Beca?"

Beca rolled her eyes. "You're absolutely insane."

Chloe shrugged, placing her bottom in her sled. She placed both of her gloved hands in the snow, and pushed herself. She shrieked.

Beca could hear her sled scraping along the snow. She thought about just leaving. _I could just say that I had diarrhea or something. _No. Chloe would know. Somehow she would figure it-

"Holy-" She heard a blood curdling scream from the bottom of the track. "My face! Oh my-fuck. Fuck. I can't feel anything! Beca, please come down here! Oh shit, blood. Beca there's blood, please hurry."

She knew it. She _knew _it. And now Chloe was hurt. Severely hurt, by the sounds of it. She peered over the top of the hill. There was no way she would be able to walk down there.

As if reading her mind, Chloe called up: "Just sled down here! It'll be-ow. Ow!"

"Will I hit you?"

"No. Just please hurry Beca. This really hurts."

Beca grabbed her sled and all but threw herself down the hill, jumping on the piece of plastic with such force it started pulling her down.

She had never felt such a rush. Her hair was completely off of her neck, rippling behind her like like she was holding a towel as a cape. Snow flew up into her sled and slapped her in the face, some in the back. She could feel freezing droplets of water melting on her skin, trailing down her back dimples into her jeans. Her face was numb, but she didn't care. Before she could stop herself, she was smiling. Adrenalin was pulsing through her at a rate she hadn't thought possible. This was so _fun._ But before she knew it, it was over. She was fine.

And so was Chloe.

"See! I told you it was fun! I so told you! Wasn't it fun? I love sledding-"

"Chloe! I thought you were hurt! You scared me!"

Chloe giggled. "Not scared enough to call an ambulance or anything. And besides, you wouldn't have come down here unless I hurt myself."

"Not true."

"Okay Beca, whatever you say." Chloe chuckled, lying back into the snow.

Beca moved to hover over Chloe. "Hey Chloe, you got a little snow on your face." Beca said as she reached to her side and grabbed a handful of snow, smashing it into the redhead's face.

"Bam." Beca flicked her fingers out. "Karma's a bitch."

"Real mature, Beca." Chloe gasped, sitting up to wipe at the snow on her face. "That's so cold!"

Still, Chloe smiled a sweet warm smile back at Beca that confounded her, made her hesitate for the slightest of moments. There were little droplets of water, melted snow, clinging to her hair, her eyebrows, the points of deep dark eyelashes, and all over her skin making it shimmer in the late after noon light.

"Is it really that cold?" Beca asked smoothly, not waiting for an answer before she removed her glove and began to wipe at Chloe's snowy face with her warm fingers. She didn't know why, but she'd had the sudden urge to touch her, so strong it made her heart ache.

"No." Chloe mumbled, looking downward at her fingers.

"You know, I actually had a lot of fun today." Beca let her voice slip out smooth and suave, her fingers still settled softly at Chloe's jaw long after any remnant of water had gone. The warmth shared between where their skin touched contrasted blissfully with the environment around them.

Chloe's eyes flickered upward. "Me too." She dared to move a bit closer, causing Beca tense.

"I'm . . ." They were too close now for her to focus. Had she intending to say something? She couldn't remember. Her head was swimming. "Can't think of the word."

Chloe sighed drowsily. "Happy? Glad?" Her words whispered out slow and quiet, etching over Beca's lips, lips that were so close to touching hers.

Beca's breath was starting to get shaky, her eyelids heavy. She was feeling too warm. She only vaguely acknowledged how that shouldn't be, with snow on the ground. Thoughts passed by distantly, she couldn't focus, only breath.

Their lips were so close they were almost slightly brushing. Their open and heaving lips. Beca wanted so desperately to lean in and take them for herself, taste those pretty pink lips for the first time, to rack her teeth over the soft skin and see if she shuddered. That's what she wanted. That's all she wanted.

Before she could even think her eyes were coming to a close. They seemed far too heavy now to hold up and it didn't seem worth the effort. All the world became was a heady intake of Chloe's sweet breath, and the almost brushing to smooth sensitive skin. Why was every thing moving so slow?

She was so close to leaning in, to tasting those absolutely perfect lips she had admired so many times before when she felt a sudden sting to her face, and jerked away with the sudden impact.

Beca opened her eyes in a drunk daze, to lift a bared hand to her cheek to feel the wet snow that was there. It took her a long moment to realize what had happened. She looked to Chloe's surprised and flushed face for a moment, just trying to think. She looked up to see that snow had found its way off of the tree towering above her and onto her head.

She brought a hand up to wipe away the snow, shaking out her hair.

"It's getting kinda dark. Maybe we should go back." Beca said, standing up as Chloe nodded in agreement.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Beca was anxious.

She had always had a problem with anxiety, but this was a different kind of anxiety. The kind that you couldn't get rid of with the pop of a pill. It was real. It had a source.

Being around Chloe, to some degree, always made her anxious. Anxious to impress her, anxious to make sure Chloe liked her. But lately, things had been getting much worse. Much, much worse.

Beca hardly had control of her actions any more. She was just a puppet, a pawn, to Chloe's wishes and whims of sledding and sleeping in under warm winter skies. It felt degrading and humiliating and she was ashamed but at the same time wanting the glorious feeling of just knowing that the world around her would be fine. Knowing that if she trusted Chloe's small powerful hands implicitly with every little piece of her being and whatever remnant of a soul she may possess, she could have everything she wanted. Trade her soul for a taste of heavenly flesh.

And how she wanted to place her fingers on that smooth supple skin, to feel it yield under her wiry fingers like only a woman's can. Such a thing seemed as though it might be worth the hells themselves. And that's what she wanted wasn't it? Sheer carnal things like she'd never experienced before. To see her Chloe's pretty blue eyes clouded with pleasure, back arching until the blue veins showed, and her obscenely pale pink lips _moaning _her name in worship over and over again.

_What was the problem then? _She could have Chloe spread across her in a second if she tried. Chloe wouldn't resist her. She loved her. Or, at least, Chloe thought she did.

But something held her back. What, she didn't know.

Beca huddled her knees up to her chest, pushing herself into the wall of her bedroom.

In the other room, she heard the faucet of water turn off. Chloe had wanted a hot shower after spending so long in the cold. This left Beca all alone, left her waiting, nothing to do but think, and listen to the sounds of another life cohabitating with her. The sounds of clothes being brushed aside, of smoothed fingers running over a long expanse of abdomen. Beca half suspected Chloe knew she could hear her. That she was taunting her.

Her house was so quiet she could hear every sound Chloe was making. She could almost feel every movement in her bones.

All that separated them was a solitary little wall. All that separated Beca in all her frustration, thinner than the width of her smallest finger, was this god damned wall. On the other side of that wall Chloe was sitting in a similar silence more than likely. She would be bare and shinning under the dim lantern light. Looking warm. Looking heavenly.

Beca wondered if Chloe was thinking about her. If she, too, was anxious.

Figuring it would be weird that she was just sitting on the floor, she moved to sit on her bed. Beca started to play with the corner of her sheets.

This feeling was sickening. It made it hard to sleep. It made ordinary life painful.

This was no lust. It was deeper, less fleeting, and a thousand times more painful. She was just so confused and tired and aching for something- anything.

She wanted and wanted and wanted…. That's the only word that really fit. Desire and yearning had too soft an edge. This "want" tore at her insides and made her want to vomit, while at the same time making her feel warm and just… loved.

Beca gasped as the door creaked open on unoiled hinges.

One foot appeared first, a delicate pointed toe coming off the gentle arch of a small feminine foot. Toe first, then heel like a ballet dancer in all her graceful long movements.

She was still wet from the bath, had little droplets of water clinging to her chin like icicles. Her hair was erratically curled, and tucked sweetly behind one ear blushing pink from the heat of the water. The towel she wore clung to her, drinking the water from her skin.

Chloe looked marvelous, body and all, but what really stuck Beca were her eyes. She wanted to waste her gaze away of the thin wet fabric hugging the solemn curve of her waist, but she was drawn aback by a terrific gaze. The look in her eyes was dark, lustful, _entrancing_. Chloe's large eyes met Beca with a morbid intensity, as if she'd been reading every thought right from her head while she bathed. Her mouth mimicked her daring eyes, setting itself a dark aroused pink, parting slightly, and glimmering with the faintest hint of wetness.

Beca was speechless. She couldn't speak. She couldn't move. Nothing. She could do nothing but stare.

Chloe started walking towards her, her eyes unmoving. She didn't blink. Not once.

She settled on the bed with Beca, little more than a foot away, with her damp head arching forever closer. Little drops of water fell from her clean hair and spattered soberingly on the fabric covering Beca's calves, then thighs, then breast. Beca mused drunkenly that she smelled different, like Dove soap, not her usual smell of vanilla. This smell was clean and springy. Like rain.

Their lips were close again, tantalizingly close, but Beca wouldn't dare be the one to close that gap, to blur that line forever into obscurity. A small shaking hand found it's way to the side of Beca's face.

Chloe's bold eyes grew shy and nervous. Her dilated pupils made her look afraid. She made a hesitant movement towards Beca, silently asking for permission. Preparing herself for rejection.

Beca didn't move. She was too drunk on Chloe's warmth, and the heavy scent of her soap. Her limbs felt heavy, her mind felt dumb, and time was no friend of hers stretching forever and ever onward.

Then they touched, just barely at first, a testing brush of the lips that sent vibrations through Beca's skull. She exhaled for the first time in what seemed like forever in response, breath holding a telling shake. Her eyes held a calm stare with Chloe's, trying to send her a silent message to not shy away. And she didn't.

Chloe leaned in yet again letting their lips achieve full aching contact for the first time. Just enough pressure to be tantalizing. A smooth chaste kiss, yet Beca's chest was heaving. She felt her heavy eyelids come to a close, making it so all that existed in the world for a moment was Chloe.

All too quickly she pulled away, sucking all the air from Beca's lungs with her sordid and beautiful mouth. Chloe didn't even make a move to hide the trembling in her breath.

"I . . ." Chloe's voice trailed off into a whisper. "Was that okay?"

Their foreheads were pressed together. She could feel Chloe's breath dancing on her lips as she spoke. She couldn't form words. Not in the gooey-romantic flustered way. She literally could not form words. Her mind was filled with garbled letters that didn't make any sense.

"Y-yes." And it was. Painfully so.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Beca felt strange when she woke up that morning. Was she insane? She felt insane. She felt ridiculous and naked and hallucinatory. Some part deep dark and buried within her wanted to stand up and scream, wanted to run until she couldn't breath any more. She was so anxious and scared and confused.

This wasn't who she was. She was always so careful not to feel things like this. She made sure everything went according to plan. It was stupid Chloe who tore every little piece of everything to shreds just by looking at it. Childish Chloe, the girl who looked at the line dividing them and thought it was better crossed.

Beca had no idea what the hell she was feeling, but she desperately wanted it to go away. It made her uncomfortable. Vulnerable.

She didn't like being vulnerable.

But there was no denying this. She was up and down infatuated, lustful, and sick to her stomach. Beca felt this. What to do about it was another issue.

Chloe wasn't there yet. Beca had been anxiously awaiting her arrival. As each minute went by, Beca got more doubtful that she would ever show up.

Beca groaned. _What was happening to her?_

"Something wrong Becs?" her brother asked. Her anxious stomach settled a bit. Even as children, her brother's presence had always calmed her down.

"I . . . maybe?" Her and her brother were very close siblings. Since a young age, they were joined at the hip. They genuinely liked each other. Sure, they'd occasionally fight over what show they'd watch on television, but other than that, they got a long surprisingly well. They told each other everything. Well, almost everything. Relationships had been a touchy subject for the both of them. Not really sibling material.

"It's okay Beca. Tell Doctor Bryce all about it." She giggled. He was such a dork.

"Well . . . say I, er, kissed someone. And after we kissed, we didn't really talk about it, so they left and I haven't heard from them since? What does that mean?"

"And who exactly have you been kissing, Beca? If you could give me his address, that'd be great." Bryce smiled, loading his imaginary shot gun. Beca shrugged.

"I just . . . is that normal?"

"Don't take it personally, Becs. Boys are usually assholes about getting back to you. I'd give it a couple days."

She shifted uncomfortably. "What if it . . . what if it wasn't a boy? Then what? Does the couple days rule still apply?"

"And by 'not a boy', you mean . . . dog?"

Beca rolled her eyes. "Girl, Bryce. I mean girl. I kissed a girl."

"You're . . ."

"Bisexual, I guess? I don't know. I honestly don't know Bryce."

"Was it like . . . a hook-up? Or . . . you know . . . not a hook-up?"

"No, it wasn't a hook-up. I don't think so, anyways."

"Okay . . ." Bryce's voice trailed off. She sighed.

"Chloe, by the way. I kissed Chloe."

Bryce gasped. "You mean the ginger?"

"No, I mean Emily's mom from Make it or Break it."

Bryce gave her a blank look. She groaned.

"Did I do something wrong? I don't even know what to do right now, Bryce. Am I a bad kisser or something?"

He chuckled. "Did she find out about your genital warts?"

Beca laughed. Genuinely, to her surprise. "And my pubic lice."

A customer turned around and shot Beca a glare. _Whoops. _

"But seriously Bryce-"

To speak of the devil.

Chloe was dressed more appropriately weather-wise today. She wore a long-sleeved gray dress, a black belt around her waist.

She stomped her shoes on the mat in front of the door before making her way over to Beca.

"The roads are literally hell." She muttered, sitting on a bar stool. From the other side of the counter, Beca backed away just a bit. _How was Chloe acting like nothing happened? _

"I . . . uh, wouldn't know. I've been working. Here. Inside." Beca felt her face heat up. Just a couple days ago, Beca had been partially at ease around the redhead. But at the moment, she felt anything but. "You uh, want something to drink?"

Chloe smiled. "Are you okay?"

Beca chuckled nervously. "What? Yeah. Yes. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. You just seem, I don't know, _jumpy. _Like that time you peed your pants in my car. Do you have to go the bathroom?"

Beca's face lit up like a tomato. It didn't seem as funny as it had been in the moment.

"I . . . not _in _your car! Just around. And that's not fair, my pants were stuck!"

"Beca Mitchell are you embarrassed?"

"No." she muttered. Why oh _why _had she done that? No wonder Chloe wasn't saying anything about their kiss. She was disgusting!

"Did you sleep well last night? You're eyes seem kinda wide."

Beca laughed loudly, the sound cutting through the almost silent bar and turning a few heads. "Great! I slept great last night!"

Chloe reached up on of her small gloved hands to grasp a hold on Beca's chin, sending her aching desire to move and speak dull. "Are you nervous?" She whispered in a husky manner leaving a little playful amusement in her voice, and began to rub her thumb wonderfully over Beca's clenched jaw.

"I don't get nervous."

Chloe smirked. "Alright Beca, whatever you say."

Beca growled, pulling away from Chloe's hand.

It was strange how she had imagined the day to go by business-like. She would just tell Chloe that she was _physically_ enthralled with her, and it would all be fine. But nothing ever went quite according to plan when it came to Chloe. Jesus, the girl was like the weather six months in advance, you just never know. Beca was beginning to wonder why she even bothered thinking things over at all when everything always managed to come to its own independent conclusions.

"Really. I'm not nervous. Why would I be?"

Chloe stared at her for a moment and sighed. "I don't know. Can I still have that drink?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

She moved so agonizingly slow, with such an enormous amount of practiced agile precision. Her perfect rounded hips seemed to have a disconnect with the rest of her body, when she moved left they moved right, pulling the fabric of her dress tighter and tighter then loose again. Lips, legs, fingers, the curve of a just slightly bared neck were covered in a sheen of delicious glistening sweat that clung to her as little beadlets dripped just so perfectly slow.

Beca imagined her own fingers moving along those smooth arcs, the slope of a neck, the round of a trembling kneecap, clinging tighter than tight until their was nothing between them but flesh and blood, salt and sweat. More than anything that was what she craved for, yearned for, ached for, but she stayed rooted still, her eyes a slave to the sight before her. Stuck on the back and forth motions of the redhead.

Chloe was truly shameless. Beca had always known it, the girl had burst into her shower for Christ's sake. But . . . but this was embarrassing.

For the past half an hour, Chloe had been entertaining herself by dancing in the center of the Pines to the Pandora Christmas station they'd put on to be a bit more "festive". Beca had thought it stupid to put on Christmas music. Anyone who was spending Christmas Eve in a bar wasn't especially in the spirit.

Part of Beca's mind knew that Chloe shouldn't be behaving like this. They were in a restaurant, after all. _Her _restaurant. With customers trying to eat. Even if they couldn't hear the music coming through the redhead's ear buds, it just wasn't a radical way to act.

And yet Beca didn't do anything to stop her. Chloe was just so good at it. Beca was just so entranced.

Their eyes never met, not once, but there was a sort of stringy humid tension between the two of them that made Beca shiver down to her bones. Too many almost looks, too many perfect angles just for her. She wanted to believe all of Chloe's boisterous movements were for her, but she doubted it. This was just Chloe being Chloe.

Beca watched as some of her male customers stared at the redhead as hungrily as she did. It irritated her a bit, but she couldn't really blame them.

After handing a man a drink he'd ordered, she leaned into the counter, a small grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. And for once, she didn't even try to hide it. She wanted Chloe to see.

How could anything in the world make her feel like this. Even worse something made of flesh and bone. Beca was filled with an incredible want that she had never felt before. The feeling was almost painful in her heart and head. She wanted to touch and feel and _have _that little innocent thing in front of her so badly it was causing her physical pain. Beca wanted all of her. She wanted free reign. The feeling was just so strong right then and there she was having trouble managing it. Usually she could contain herself but she felt like she was bleeding, ripped apart at the very core. All for her. All for one tiny person that had about as much intelligence as a field mouse.

She really was an idiot too. Chloe always thought the world was sunshine and roses. "Let's go sledding!" and "Let's get ice cream!" No matter how cute she looked when she asked- how her smooth turned up nose got a little wrinkle in it when her face lit up with an oblivious, innocent, heartbreakingly soft smile. How her eyes were full of that jovial childish laughter that made Beca forget all the bad things she's seen lurking around even the brightest corners. It just didn't make any sense. _How _could anyone make Beca feel this way. Sure, she'd felt lust before, but never to this degree. Not to the extreme that it consumed her as it did with Chloe. It was almost like she _cared _for the redhead.

No. No. No!

There was nothing there. Just lust. Lady lust. That made more sense. This feeling she was experiencing was merely just a part of her sexuality awakening. It felt different than lusting for a man because . . . well, it just did. Yes. Nothing more. Just plain old lady lust.

Beca sighed. While everyone else was having a "jolly good time", she was stuck in her own little world of confusion and misery. Not that it was much different any other year.

Christmas had never been a magical time for the Mitchell family. Her mother had told them flat out that Santa wasn't real, and that she had no business in pretending that he was. They never baked cookies, made gingerbread houses, had Christmas dinner or any of the other silly things families typically did on Christmas. When they woke up in the morning, there were no stalkings, no Christmas tree, no Christmas miracles, not much of anything really. Just two gifts sitting on the kitchen table from their mother, one for each of them. Usually it was new underwear, but Beca remembered one year she got a pair of wool socks.

Christmas wasn't real in their house. Nor was Easter, Halloween, or birthdays. Valentines day, however, was very real in their house. It was the one day of the year Beca saw her mother drink.

"Merry Christmas!" _Jesus Christ._

"Merry, Christmas to you too, Chloe." she forced a smile. The redhead giggled and brought her hands from behind her back to reveali a wrapped package.

"Oh Chloe, I don't-"

"Do Christmas. I know, Beca. But I do. So open it!"

Beca rolled her eyes and took the package from the girl. She brought it up to her ear and shook it. It was obviously too big to be friendship necklaces, so she really had no idea what was inside.

"What is it?"

It was Chloe's turn to roll her eyes. "If I was just gonna tell you what it was I wouldn't have wrapped it, silly! Just open it!"

Beca slid her finger into the side of the paper, and gently began to push. She wasn't sure if Chloe was one of those crazies who saved used wrapping paper, the girl had put her gifts in bags in previous years, so she tried to be careful.

"A . . . heating pack?" Beca questioned, after finally getting the gift opened.

"Yup." Beca furrowed her eyebrows. Chloe smiled. "I didn't think it was fair that I was the only one who got to feel all warm and fuzzy when I was around you."

If it had been anyone else, Beca would have burst out laughing. Snickered. Teased. Rolled her eyes.

But it wasn't anyone else. It was Chloe. It was sweet, innocent Chloe, whose main goal in life, it seemed, was to make Beca feel special. To make her feel better. And she did. She did make Beca feel special, better, dare she say it, _cared about. _So she didn't laugh, snicker, tease, roll her eyes. Instead, she smiled at the redhead before her.

"I . . . thanks Chlo."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

When Beca was in 6th grade, her brother taught her how to play chess. Bryce had found an old chess set in the attic and decided that Beca needed to play with him. It had taken him all summer to teach the 11 year old the art, but eventually, Beca got it. Sort of.

She hardly put any thought into the game anymore, she hadn't played in years. But suddenly, as if by magic, she recalled one of the many vague teachings that she'd brushed off so long ago. Something engrained into her beyond the point of mere words.

_"__You can't go for the obvious kill." 14-year-old Bryce said, placing the pieces on the board. "Careless players just straight-out attack, but a smart player waits. They wait until they pin point their opponents strategy. "_

_"__Huh?" Beca asked._

_"__It's like . . . the keystone. You have to find the keystone of their strategy. Find the founding point of their game plan and hit it. Watch it collapse. That's all it takes, most of the time. Hit them when and where they least expect it. Chess is war, Beca. " _

At the time, Beca had thought her brother was full of shit. It takes a series of moves to take an opponent down. There is no one move that can automatically cause a win. One can't find the keystone because there isn't a keystone to be found.

Or so she'd thought.

But Chloe, in all her shallow innocent glory, had done it. Some where along the way, Chloe had found Beca's keystone. She'd found it and hit it hard. What a magnificent way to crumble into a million pieces. For that was what she was doing. Shattering, falling apart. Beca didn't know how to handle feeling the way she did. She'd spent the vast majority of her life trying as hard as she could not to feel anything. Feelings just got people into trouble.

It was rather windy that night, making most folk stay inside for all their drunken dancing and laughing. Beca didn't mind such things however, her hair was tied back, why did she need to fear a cold biting wind. Nothing could keep her from her safe haven now if it tried.

She just needed to get away for a moment. Being in the stuffy restaurant watching her customers take shot after shot was making her queasy.

A hangover. What a great way to start off the new year.

Up on the roof top, though, her thoughts ran smooth and comforting. She was so lucid and clear for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

The stars helped her out, winking and glistening at her. Watching always, but not really. Fireworks were puncturing the air, ruining their sleepy bliss occasionally. People would take any excuse to celebrate, make the universe sparkle around them, pretend like they were worth a little bit of something in the big, amazing world.

Beca breathed in and out slowly, her eyes falling to a gentle sleepy close.

There were footsteps coming, a gentle little pitter patter of feet. Beca knew the footsteps. She could feel them beating through her heart and racing through her mind. But her calm didn't cease even in the felt good here, she felt invincible, as if she were amongst her starry kin, looking down, rather than living in her own mortal body.

More footsteps, quiet as mice, then a little innocent sounding shuffling, little gentle breaths that fell in tune with Beca's far too easily.

"Well gee, how did I know you'd be up here?" Chloe asked sweetly, a half-drunk giggle in her voice.

Beca didn't open her eyes to greet her, just let the little smile that wanted to pull at the corners of her mouth be seen. Somehow she knew Chloe would follow her out there. She would follow Beca anywhere, like a nagging little piece of her mind, of her heart.

Still without speaking a word Beca lifted up one of her pale star-lit hands to Chloe, feeling their fingers mesh within moments, their skin drawn to each other with out even their own consent, seemingly. Her skin felt almost hot in Beca's hands, but so comfortable.

Chloe settled down next to her with ease, daring herself with all her dancing inertia to lean in much closer than she'd dared the last time they had been in a similar situation. She moved their fingers until they were intimately interlaced, arms intertwined in constant contact, constant warmth. She leaned awkwardly over to place her head on Beca's shoulder, her russet hair even let free to blow away from the huddled pair in the chill breeze.

Together with her like that felt so comfortable, and easy. Why had she been fighting it so much if this was what intimacy felt like? Warm and safe, and heartbreakingly wonderful.

"Chloe?" Beca whispered her name through the cool air, witnessed by all the lamenting stars. She flickered her eyes open just as a bright red firework obscured most of the lights of the night from her view.

"We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Chloe muttered in response, and nuzzled a little further into Beca's shoulder. Her fingers held them together just slightly tighter.

How to do this? This- what ever it was she was doing. Should she just spill all her thoughts haphazardly and see Chloe's make of them? No. Even she was frightened of some of the things rushing through her mind.

"No Chloe," Beca started. "There's uh, something I need to tell you . . ."

What though? What was this? Always before she had decided on lust, but she couldn't very well say that to Chloe. This was something more than lust. Something that she didn't know the word to. Longing? Caring? Desire? Want? Fondness?

Love?

Nothing sounded quiet right to her. Too strong or too soft. All she really wanted was to "be with" her. To have free reign over every inch of her skin, every thought in her head. She wanted Chloe there. She wanted to see someone look at her with a gentle look of caring on their face. She wanted to hear her opinion on everything. She wanted to know the things she feared and desired and hoped for. She just wanted so many things. Nothing could be put under the title of any word. Nothing meant all those things.

Chloe's pretty childish face was put into a heartbreaking look of dread for a moment when their eyes met, but it melted away in an instant. She was always on her toes, that girl, always waiting to be reprimanded.

They stared silently at each other for the longest time. It was comfortable endless silence. Chloe's eyes were so dark and caring that Beca couldn't think of a better place to spend hours upon hours gazing.

She had thought the words would come to her the moment she had been poised to talk, when she had looked at Chloe. She thought somehow she would just know all the right things to say, but nothing came. There were still no words.

But she had to say _something_.

You're so pretty." She uttered simply, then laughed at how silly it sounded that that was the first thing that came to her mind. She even proceeded to lift her unattached arm over to cup Chloe's jaw gently. "You're so pretty that it breaks my heart."

Chloe giggled sweetly, "I thought you didn't have a heart." She teased, moving one of her little hands up to take hold of the one that was grasping at her face. Her warm eyes closed to a happy rest as she leaned into the joining of their two hands.

"Sometimes, when I look at you, I think that I might have one after all." Beca whispered soft and slow, more to herself than any thing, laughing quietly to herself at how ridiculous that sounded, hoping Chloe hadn't hear. But Chloe had heard her, and gave her a stunning smile.

Chloe leaned in closer than before, her eyebrows arched so deeply it looked as though she was distraught about something. But her warm eyes contradicted. Their cold noses touched with a strange rubbery sensation that make them both laugh, spreading warm breath over each others faces, into each others mouths.

"And why would you say something silly like that?" Chloe asked slight and gentle but her voice cracked with the pressure. Her expressive eyes opened and looked to her with a strange look. Desperate. Frantic. And so mind numbingly hopeful.

Beca tried to let her eyes roam else where, but there was nothing else. Beca was so close that every little piece of space around them was filled with her. Her and Chloe- this- was every thing.

She felt like running away. Just up and leaving. Her heart was beating too fast and her face was red as the hells. But those gentle eyes of hers made her stay. The warm feeling of their hands intertwined so tight and the absolute beauty of every little thing about her.

"I don't know." Beca managed half-heartedly, trying to send her messages through her head. Trying to transfer the feeling so she wouldn't say it wrong. She ran a thumb over Chloe's jaw absently, to feel the cool skin spread out for her.

Beca didn't know when she'd become so touchy-feely. She wasn't sure if she liked it or not.

Beca leaned in, with a bright smile that wouldn't go away, that made her cheeks hurt. Chloe pulled into her too, breathing her air, reveling in the sheer warmth of her, of them. Their harsh breathing synchronized against each other as they breathed one another's breath.

Maybe there didn't need to be a word for this. Maybe she didn't need to attach labels to something that just was. That shivered through her head, swam in her veins. It was enough just to feel it.

Beca dared to look at Chloe's eyes shyly, full on for the first time, "Because," she whispered . "There are no words."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

"Oh come _on _Bryce! You have to know at least one thing!" Beca whined.

"Why don't you think of something yourself Beca?"

Beca had gone to her brother for advice on how to get, well, how to get Chloe's attention. She didn't have much experience in this field, considering she'd always been on the receiving end of lovey-dovey items.

"Because Bryce, I really have no idea. I mean, what do girls like?"

Bryce snorted. "You're a girl Beca. What do you like?"

"I meant girls like Chloe, not like me." she huffed. Beca didn't categorize herself with "girls." Girls were whiny and annoying, while she wasn't.

"A teddy bear? Look Beca, sorry, I have no idea." he said, turning away from her to take the orders of a couple that had just walked in.

Beca groaned, bringing her hands up to cover her face.

"Are you okay?" Beca turned to see an elderly man sitting at the bar counter, a look of concern painted on his withered face.

"I . . . yeah." Beca smiled awkwardly. She wasn't used to strangers making commentary about her personal conversations. "Never the less, she responded. "It's just . . . life is just so _insane, _you know? Like how can anything be that complicated?"

The man laughed with his full belly. "It is quite the chaotic universe we live in, isn't it?"

Beca smiled. "And to think, I was finally beginning to come to terms with it."

"Not to pry or anything, but what specifically seems to be the problem my dear?"

Beca laughed. Cackled. _It's all the same really. _"How much time ya' got?"

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say about another ten years."

Beca giggled. "Well in that case . . . it's . . . a girl. I am having relationship complications with a girl." The words sounded foreign on her tongue. _Relationship complications? Relationship? Relation? Ship? Complications? _

"She uh, well, we're not really in a relationship. I don't want to be. Not into that. But . . . look, I have never done this before. Like, gotten a girl something. Which is the problem, by the way. I don't know what to get her. And I . . . want to get her something?" Beca said awkwardly, not finding a natural way to phrase her thoughts.

The old man didn't seem to notice. He smiled at her. "Do you care about her?"

The question took her off guard. She was expecting the old man to be disturbed by her being attracted to another woman and leave the conversation.

"I . . ." her voice trailed off.

The old man seemed to sense her uncertainty. "I may not know the girl you're talking about personally, but I can tell you this. There is a reason flowers have been a traditional gift for so many years. They are calming and nice to look at, but most importantly, when there are no words, a flower can do all the speaking for you."

Flowers. Why hadn't she thought of that.

"I-thank you. Oh my God. You sir, are a genious. Has anyone told you you should write a relationship column for Cosmo?"

He laughed, gulping down what was left in his glass. "Can't say I have." He stood up. "Good luck with . . ."

"Chloe. Her name's Chloe."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Beca was nervous. Like _shit her pants _nervous.

What if Chloe was just being polite? What if she really was just a tease? What if she lied about caring about her because she felt bad for Beca? What if she was actually incapable of having feelings for a girl? For her? A simple gesture of giving a girl a flower. There were too many ways this could go wrong. Too many ways Beca could end up making a complete fool of herself.

Was this really worth the risk?

She had never had to deal with this before. The second guessing. The worry of rejection. Boys had always been the ones to make the move on her. Until now, she'd thought nothing of it. She made a mental note to write all of her previous boyfriends thank you notes and maybe even send a Starbucks gift card.

There were so many thoughts rushing through Beca's head she hardly had any time to think about her actions. She peaked her head from out of the kitchen. How long had she been there, sweating and trying to tame the thrumming of her runaway heartbeat? Time didn't seem to flow right when it came to Chloe. Backwards, forwards, too slow, too fast. It was hard to tell anything. Beca had a vague feeling somewhere in the back of her mind that she should be working. That this was far too long for a break. But still she starred. _It's now or never, Beca. _

Chloe had begun looking for her, Beca noticed, or maybe even wished. She was sitting at her usual place at the bar counter. Her little jilted fingers moving round and round the damp rim of her glass, but never making a move to drink it. Her posture was closed, shoulders drawn in, ankles crossed, head bowed low to the work of her skillful hands. Every once in a while she would look up and around with her large childishly innocent eyes. Then they'd flicker down again, back to her distraction, back to her drink, looking almost disappointed, by Beca's count.

Beca reached out the hand that wasn't holding the flowers to creak the door open a little more. That was the gateway after all to actually clearing it and going to the other side. To an end of her thrice damned girlish bashfulness.

After one last circle around the rim of her cup, Chloe changed her routine slightly by dipping the point of her index finger in. A little smile lit her face as she did so. It was kind of cute how easily she was amused with her childish games. It was a real smile too. Beca could always tell the real smiles by how her eyes squinted just slightly, how she got a little adorable wrinkle on her nose that made it look almost like she was smelling something pleasant every time. Beca just loved that smile.

She watched as Chloe took the dripping honey colored liquid to the table and began drawing with it. Large swooping things, circles it looked like. Beca couldn't tell, she was much to far away. But she saw the little childish smile on that lit up Chloe's face- never mind the fact that Beca was probably going to be the one cleaning that up later.

Maybe these stupid flowers would make her smile like that?

Beca held the flowers behind her back and started walking towards the redhead. _OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod. _

Chloe brought her eyes upward, smiling at Beca. Beca returned the gesture.

"Uh, hey Chloe." _This is already off to such a great start. _

"Uh, hey Beca." Chloe mocked, matching her face to Beca's awkward grin. She always found it annoying how Chloe seemed to think her being uncomfortable was something funny. It certainly wasn't funny to her.

"I just . . . how are you doing?" Beca managed awkwardly, her heart oozing out of her ears. _Come on Mitchell, get a hold of yourself! _

_"_Just groovy. Better now that you're here now_._" She grinned.

Didn't even flinch on that one. That sneaky devil.

"I uh . . . you know . . . I just figured I'd . . ." How the fuck do you make giving someone flowers sound like a casual thing?

"What?"

"I-er, got you . . . something . . ." She could feel the stems of the flowers getting slippery from her nervous palm sweat. "It's nothing. I just picked it up on my way probably won't like it-"

"A present!" Chloe squealed much louder than necessary and drew a few stray glances. "I promise I'll like it! I swear!"

Chloe was such a child. Just the prospect of receiving something was making her jump up and down and screech. Never mind how mindless cute and adorable she looked with her fists pumping in the air and an impossibly wide smile on her pretty round face, it was inappropriate. Public and all that.

Beca brought her hand shakily from behind her to reveal her handful, holding it between them like an offering.

Chloe's eyes widened.

"I uh- in a completely not weird way at all, looked up flower meanings? Yeah, they have a really nice page about it on Wikipedia. So um," She looked back down at her flowers. This was a horrible idea. What had she been thinking?

But Chloe looked entranced, so she continued.

"Red Daisies mean, er well, they mean _beauty unknown to possesser_. And gosh Chlo, you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I just want to make sure you know that." Beca gulped.

"Irises mean _good news_, so I got them for you because the day you came back to me-er, you know what I mean. Well, that was , that was the best news I've ever gotten." She laughed awkwardly. Her hands were shaking badly. She was sure Chloe noticed, but was politely not mentioning it.

"And um, blue roses, well, they mean _mystery. _And well, that's exactly what you are, Chloe. You're a mystery, in the most amazing way possible. So, here you go. Sorry I'm such a loser." When Beca looked up to nudge the flowers closer to the redhead, she realized Chloe was crying. Not sobbing, but there were tears.

"Oh my God, I knew Wikipedia wasn't a reliable source. Look Chloe, I promise you I didn't mean to give you a flower that meant anything bad-"

Chloe laughed. "Beca calm down! You didn't do anything wrong," she said gently, sniffling. "I . . . Beca, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."

"Oh."

Chloe stared down at the flowers, a smirk creeping on her playful lips. "Beca, blue roses are literally impossible to find. There is no _way _that you just picked this up on your way here."

_Oh for the love of God._

"Well," Beca smiled. "I _was _lying." The truth was, the blue rose had taken her days of research and questioning florists to find.

"Thank you, Beca. I love them, they're beautiful." Chloe giggled. "You're so sweet."

"If by 'sweet' you mean 'into witch craft', then yes, I am very _sweet._" She winked at the redhead.

They both burst into a fit of giggles.

"But seriously, Beca. Thank you so much."


	25. Chapter 25

**Okay so I'm exhausted and this chapter isn't very good but you know what, that's okay. The next one will be better. And sorry if there are mistakes. It's late yo. **

* * *

**Chapter 25**

"Well?" Beca tapped her foot impatiently. Chloe was going to get there any minute. She'd gone to Bryce for advice on what to do about the redhead, who was currently invading every whisper and every image in her poor throbbing head.

"_Well, _Beca, if I were you, I would, gee, I don't know, _ask her on a fucking date._" Bryce rolled his eyes.

"Okay, but how?" Beca sighed. This whole 'romancing' thing was overrated.

"What do you mean 'how'?" he hissed. "It's so stupidly easy Beca, just _ask_ her."

"Okay, I know that, but like, how would you _phrase_ that?"

"Jesus Christ Beca!" Bryce tossed his hands up in the air. "How about: Will you go on a date with me!" he yelled exasperatedly. As expected, a few heads turned. The siblings burst into a fit of laughter.

"Awkward." a voice giggled from behind them. Beca froze.

"It's actually not as weird as it seems." Bryce turned to meet the taunting smirk of the redhead.

"Yeah. I'll take your word for it." Chloe smiled.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you guys to it, then." Before Beca could protest on the abruptness of his departing, he sped back into the kitchen.

Chloe placed her butt on the bar counter, sliding herself over to be on the same side as Beca.

"Hi." Chloe laughed. Beca never understood why the redhead felt the need to laugh over things that weren't funny.

It was now or never. And besides, all she had to do was _ask _her. It was easy. Like reading from a book. Simple. Yet her stomach was turning back flips, and every bone in her body was telling her not to open her mouth.

"Uh . . . Chloe?" She managed to squeak out. Oh God. What was she _doing. _Of course Chloe knew she was talking to her.

Chloe looked at her questioningly in the same way a baby animal would, eyes bright and wide, pupils dilated, head tilted visibly to the right, eyebrows risen. Beca bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. She was just so adorably stupid looking, it was all Beca could do to try and restraint her self from cooing at her and tapping at her nose.

"Is everything alright?" Chloe asked in her sweet girlish voice. Her eyes shifted suddenly to an almost sad look.

"No! I mean, of course not! That's not- sorry. I'm just being weird right now. Me. I'm a weirdo!" Beca chuckled nervously, wiping her palms on the sides of her jeans.

Chloe smiled unsurely. "Okay . . ."

"I was just wondering if you'd wanna go out with . . . uh . . ."

Beca couldn't form words. For a long time now she had been wanting to talk about "them", about the "us", about whatever the hell she and Chloe _were._ And now here she was, at the tip of the ice berg about to delve into the ocean of mystery, and she had no fucking idea what to say.

What if Chloe rejected her? What then? Would they still be where they were now? She doubted it, and Beca didn't know if she could handle that kind of awkwardness on a daily basis.

The redhead stared up at her, waiting to hear her next train of words.

"Uh . . . uh go out shopping with me, because I really like that skirt and you have a really good sense of style." Beca finished uncomfortably. What had she been thinking? She wasn't going to ask the redhead to go _out _with her. Going out implied a _relationship. _Beca didn't know what they were, but they sure as hell were not that.

"Oh." Chloe frowned, averting her gaze to her shoes. "Sure. I'd, uh, love to." She smiled weakly up at the brunette, then back down again.

Beca said nothing.

"You know, I should actually probably get going." Chloe started walking in the direction of the exit, still hopping over the counter.

"Well, bye." Beca called after the redhead, walking back into the kitchen.

Bryce was waiting expectantly. "So, how'd it go"

"Funny you ask . . . I didn't ask her. I mean, I almost did. I said the 'will you do out with', part, but then I just . . . like dude, what if she says _no_?"

"Wait, lemme get this straight. You said 'will you go out with' and then stopped?"

"I asked her to go shopping with me instead. I kinda got the feeling she knew what I was gonna ask though, because she left right afterward. So, its a good thing I didn't ask." The statement should have filled Beca with relief. She didn't ask Chloe out. She saved herself some _major embarrassment._ Wasn't that a good thing?

"Rebecca Mitchell, can you please stop being such a fucking _coward_?!" Beca had to stop herself from taking a step back. That had not been the reaction she was looking for. "She left, because she thought you were gonna ask her out, but you decided _not _to. Not because she didn't want to, stupid. And you _know _it Beca! You're just looking for any excuse to not give her a chance!"

"Stupid?" Beca jibed. "What, are we in fifth grade?"

"Beca, I love you, but you are the fucking densest person I have ever met. Seriously."

Beca rolled her eyes. "Enough with the 'fucking' Bryce. I get it. I . . .screwed up." she leaned her head back. Bryce better hope to _God _that he's right about Chloe. If he wasn't- Beca didn't even want to think of the things she'd do to him if he wasn't.

"Well, now what?" Beca asked. The one thing Beyonce forgot to add in "If I were a boy" was the part where she'd go crazy because of fucking _girls. _

**-xxx-**

Her mind was running around in circles. She knew this was an awful idea. She _knew _it. And yet Beca was gonna do it anyway.

Beca stepped out of her car, grabbing the three plastic Target bags from her passenger seat.

She wondered if anyone would ask what she was doing out so late, or what the hell she was doing period.

She stared at the front of the apartment building, trying to remember which window was Chloe's.

Eenie meenie minie _moe. _Once Beca pinpointed the window's location, she started walking towards the part of the cement that would be visible from said window.

She set down her bags, and reached into one, pulling out a miniature candle. _This is going to take forever. _

Never-the-less, Beca began to work, singing quietly to herself as she did so.

_Will _

_You _

_Go _

_Out_

_With_

_Me_

_? _

Once all the candles were in place, she walked around her set up, lighting each one.

What she hadn't allowed herself to think about in her previous attempt to ask Chloe out, was the possibility that the redhead may say yes?

Beca wasn't sure what she thought of that option. What would that mean for them? Beca wasn't very good with friends, let alone _relationships. _The word tasted almost bitter.

How the hell was she suppose to figure out what Chloe wanted if she didn't even know what _she _wanted.

And not to mention the fact of how Chloe would interpret this little gesture. Beca hadn't thought about it at the time, but this seemed like what she'd call . . . _romantic. _That word definitely tasted bitter.

What if Chloe took it the wrong way, and not as the apology Beca had intended it to mean?

Would Chloe think it meant, God forbid, that Beca _loved_ her?

She swallowed, and pulled out her phone. _Don't think about those things now. _

She flipped through her contacts until she found the redhead she was looking for.

After three rings, the girl answered.

"Hello?" she asked sleepily. Beca realized with a bit of ignorance that it was pretty late, and the redhead had probably been asleep.

"Look out your window." she said simply.

"What? Beca, why-"

"Just look out your God Damn window Beale." she laughed.

Beca could hear bedsheets shuffling as Chloe got up.

"This better be important Bec- Oh my . . . Beca, did you this?"

Beca smiled up at her form in the window. "Yeah. I was meaning to ask earlier, but I, uh, got weird and didn't? So this is my way of wondering if you would wanna like, get something to eat?"

"Beca, this is beautiful. Oh my gosh, this is amazing. And yes, of _course _I'll go out with you. I'd love to. And I just . . . Gosh. Sorry I acted like such a kid earlier. I shouldn't have just left . . . you didn't deserve that. Okay, so anyways, yeah. You're amazing Beca, and I'd love to go out with you."

"Yeah." Beca said quietly.

"Wait, you did mean, like, a date right, because if you . . .er didn't, then . . ." Chloe's voice trailed off.

At this point, Beca knew pretty well how she felt. She was down right infatuated with Chloe. She was incoherent, ridiculous, when ever she was around. Was that really a good thing? She was okay with how life was now. Wouldn't a "date" make everything so much harder and confusing? Wouldn't "together" make her fall apart?

"I, uh, would you like that?" Beca was positive Chloe could tell how nervous she was, how jumbled and improvised her words sounded.

"I'd _love _that, Beca." Beca could almost hear the beaming smiled through the phone. "Well, it's really late Beca, and-"

"Oh. Yeah. Okay, I'll see you later then." Beca was about to hang up when she realized Chloe was still talking.

"No! No, that's not what I meant. I meant, it's late, you should spend the night here because, you know, it's late and dark and you really shouldn't be driving."

Beca smiled at the idea. "Uh, yeah. I guess I could do that."

Chloe laughed. "I'll see you in a bit?"

"Maybe a little more than a bit, I have to deal with these candles now."

**-xxx-**

"Hey!" Chloe answered the door. "How're you doing?"

Beca caught a long shuddery yawn, suddenly and irresistibly. "I'm all right."

"You about ready to crash?"

The brunette smiled. "Pretty much." Chloe took her hand and led her across the cramped room to her bed.

Beca leaned over, peeling her socks off. She didn't feel the need for pajama pants and sure as wasn't stripping, so she just climbed into the bed fully clothes.

Chloe slid under the covers beside her, curls standing on end in a riot of cowlicks.

Without thinking, Beca slipped her arms around the redhead, feeling her body curl into hers.

"Thanks for letting me stay here." Beca mumbled drowsily. She didn't know why she so suddenly felt fatigued.

"Goodnight Beca." Chloe whispered.

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours.

"Are you awake?" Beca whispered.

"Yeah."

They lay very still, the only movement was the banging of her heart against her chest.

She didn't know why she did it. Maybe it was because her mind was fogged, or maybe it was just another weird happening. Those happened a lot around Chloe.

Beca turned the redhead in her arms so that their foreheads were pressed together.

She had never felt like this with anyone before. This inexplicably wonderful feeling of affection, happiness, and care all at once. And yet at the same time it wasn't a feeling at all. It was . . . a part of her. A trait, almost. There really were no words to describe it.

Beca was a coward. She hadn't seen it before, but that's exactly what she was. She knew what she wanted, she just wasn't brave enough to go after it.

Which was why it shocked her when she closed the space between them and pressed her lips against Chloe's.

Despite her cowardice, her denial, her unsureness, her insecurities. She would always know that one night, one time, she had been brave.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

At first it had seemed simple enough. A date. A date. Just a date. People go on dates all the time and the vast majority of them are still alive. Surely no matter how fatal the situation seemed, Beca would somehow manage to survive it. It would be just like every other day. They would sit around like they usually do. Talk like they usually do. Who would spare a care to what it _was_.

After days of not being able to breath, shaking much more than normal, and dreading their little outing, she wasn't exactly thrilled to get it off the ground. Beca wondered vaguely how anyone could manage to do this. Her past boyfriends had taken her on a couple dates, but now it was on her shoulders to please the girl. Did they all feel annoyingly anxious and self-conscious at the sight of their "date"? How were there so many couples in the world if the feeling was that unpleasant? Or maybe it was just her. Maybe she was a weird damaged weakling, incapable of interpersonal relationships. Maybe there was a reason no one wanted to go out with her.

It was a stupid idea. She never should have asked Chloe on a date. The girl was just too good at driving her around in circles.

Beca had taken Chloe to Blue Ribbon Sushi, since the redhead had a tendency of professing her eternal love for raw fish whenever the topic came up.

They sat across from each other quietly. More like strangers than the supposed friends they were. Chloe dragged her finger round and round in patterns on the surface of their rickety wooden table. Her eyes flickered wondrously in the dim lantern light of the restaurant. Like pretty hot crystal in the sun. She didn't look so nervous. Maybe she was just bored.

She didn't even try to start up a conversation with Beca. It was always Chloe talking a mile a minute, bringing up topics that should never see daylight. Yet now when all Beca desired was a simple jumping off point, something to start the meaningless jibber-jabber, she fell silent as a petulant child.

The air of silence was almost palpable, and thick like syrupy soup. It made Beca twitch and squirm more than anything.

"I'm sorry," Beca started, uncomfortably looking down at the folds of her hands as Chloe looked up curiously. "I don't really know how to . . . _do _this." Beca admitted quietly.

"Do what?"

"_This._ Being with you, on a date. I know you're probably having a really shitty time, and I'm really sorry about that." Beca whispered, her stomach lurching side to side like a washing machine.

"It's okay. I'm having a _splendid _time." When Beca finally looked up to meet Chloe's eyes, they were beaming, almost teasingly. "And I think that you're great company."

"Chloe, I'm even boring myself. I literally have no idea what to say right now." Beca laughed. This definitely wasn't going the way she thought it would've when she'd asked Chloe in the first place.

"You can just tell me I'm pretty." Chloe smiled slyly, playing with a ringlet of red hair. "I like it when you do that."

"You are, you know. Pretty." Beca shifted uncomfortably. "In a completely non-intimate way, I think you're pretty. Really pretty."

"In a completely intimate way, I think your hot. Like smoking hot."

Beca choked on her drink. "I . . . _wow. _Okay." Beca's lip twitched into a smile. "Way to point out the obvious."

While Chloe laughed, Beca swallowed down the rest of her drink. For owning a bar, she was quite the light weight. After just two drinks she was already staring to feel the warm cloudiness alcohol typically provides.

"The tuna here is really good." Chloe offered, holding a piece of raw fish up with her chopsticks. Beca had opted for a fork, considering her significant lack of ability to use chopsticks.

"How do you _do _that?" She asked, nodding towards the chopsticks.

Chloe giggled, picking up the pack of unopened chopsticks on Beca's side of the table. "Here, I'll show you."

She tore open the bag of chopsticks and placed them between Beca's fingers. The brunette could feel the blood moving to her cheeks from the contact. _Dammit Chloe. _

Chloe began to move Beca's fingers to pick a piece of squid.

"You're hands are sweaty." she noted, causing Beca's blush to deepen.

"Yeah, well, you make me nervous." Beca grimaced awkwardly. _Nice one, Mitchell. _

"I'm really glad this happened." Chloe blurted.

"Huh?" Beca furrowed her brow in confusion.

"This. Going out to eat. On a date. With you. Because I really like you. A lot. A lot a lot a lot. More than a lot." Chloe smiled goofily at her, then as if she realized what she'd said, looked down.

Beca lightly studied the redhead's face. Chloe was quietly avoiding her gaze pretending to be lost in the fish covering her plate. Her high shapely eyebrows betrayed her though, scrunching inward thoughtfully. Beca loved it when she looked like that. All girlish and shy. She only wished there were more light in the room so that she could try and catch the red on her cheeks.

"Why?" Beca asked. Chloe looked up to her questioningly. "I want you to tell me why _you _would like _me_. I'm still trying to figure it out." Her voice was grumbly, almost vindictive.

"I just . . ." she smiled sweetly and crinkled her nose. "You're really smart. Like _really _smart. Like witty smart, which makes you really funny. You're really talented. I love your voice so much, I could listen to you sing all day."

Beca bit the inside of her cheeks to keep herself from smiling.

"And . . . you're really sweet. And dorky. And bite-sized. And just . . . amazing. You are so amazing Beca. And fantastic. Beautiful. Incredible."

"You're really cute. I like it." Beca smiled at the arrival of a new drink, taking a gulp from it. "Sometimes I think that's the only thing I like about you. I see the way you look at me, and I like it. I like being liked. Does that bother you?" her words were beginning to noticeably slur a bit.

Chloe bit her lip. "I'll take what I can get. I mean, what other choice is there?"

Beca stared at the older girl. She really was such a sweet person, Beca almost wished she'd move on to someone better. Almost.

Chloe was like a shivering puppy, homeless on a rainy day. All Beca had to do was look at her, and she'd have the overpowering urge to be the one to take her home. Dry her off, feed her, pet her. Just anything to make her happy.

"Chloe?" Beca asked suddenly, reaching out to take Chloe's hand from her plate and held it in her own. "For what it's worth, I _really _like you too. Because you're amazing. Fantastic. Incredible. Beautiful. And, well, because you're you."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Beca's mind awoke long before her eyes opened. She registered vaguely that something was wrong, that something was different. Her head was too drowsy to put too much thought to it. She felt tired in a way that couldn't be cured by sleep.

She was surrounded by that marvelous smell, drenched in it. Chloe's usual deep sobering vanilla scent wasn't just wafting her way from one direction, she felt surrounded by it, covered in it. It was in the air in her breath, in her lungs. Chloe was every where. Was she dreaming still?

There was movement at her side and Beca's eyes flicked to greet it for half a second. Still her eyes couldn't seem to open. And her breath was so heavy and slow.

What had happened the day before? She wasn't working was she? No something else. Why couldn't she place it . . .

Of course. Of course! Last night had been the date. The ever dreaded and oh so sweet date. Beca remembered sitting across from Chloe at a little table, with graying wood that looked swollen from rain and rot. She remembered the slight hint of coloring on her eyelids, the glimmer of strawberry-red rouge on her pretty lips, and her little tentative smile and kind words that she'd never ever deserve.

And the alcohol. She remembered that too.

What had happened last night? Some things struck starkly in her mind but they weren't anything important. Just little snippets of running her fingers over the lacquered edge of a table, pretty warm eyes looking her way under thick darkened eye lashes, swirls of frantic movements.

Beca's eyes shot open. "Chloe?" She asked to a warm dark room.

This wasn't her house. Little slats of light would always sneak in. But here she couldn't see a thing. Pitch black darkness. She vaguely recalled Chloe's small room having dark shades covering the windows.

There was a movement again near her right elbow. Clothes shuffling and the sound of deep drowsy breaths. A blanket that covered Beca up to her neck dragged a little across her, the feel of it was heavy and warm like a quilt stuffed tightly with lamb's wool. She felt a body reach over her, brushing her side with warmth, and making her breath quicken. Making her breath in more and more of that delirious scent until her head was spinning, mouth watering.

There was a little click and then a dim orange light.

"You're awake." Chloe whispered drowsily, her breath still heavy with sleep. "I was wondering if you'd ever wake up."

Beca looked around the room quickly. The warm sandy tones, rickety wooden furniture, about enough space to merely lay down. Yes, definitely Chloe's ridiculously small room. But what was she doing there? She felt a slight sting of panic in her chest.

They hadn't _done _anything had they?

"Relax." Chloe laughed. She had managed to prop herself up on an elbow to hover over Chloe, make aching contact with her eyes. "I didn't molest you or anything. I just thought you were too drunk to go home, so I brought you back here."

Beca sighed. "Well that's good I guess."

"Yup."

Chloe's warm little fingers had worked themselves up to get entangled in Beca's hairline. She began a deliriously wonderful stroking motion with her fingers, starting at the point of her hairline, along the edge of her forehead, down her temples, and dangerously close to her ear. Over and over again, every once and a while just slightly dragging her nail across the surface of her skin.

Beca closed her eyes reflexively and sighed, leaning into the gentle caring touch.

"You know, you're a super friendly drunk." Chloe whispered slyly. Her hand had retired from stroking along her forehead to cup her jaw gently, and just rested there, bobbing up and down as Beca swallowed hard. "And you kept touching my hair. It was kinda weird. Like every chance you got your hand would be in my hair. I kept thinking 'Can't she think of a better place to put that hand?'"

She let her eyes crack open a little bit to see Chloe smiling down on her. She didn't seem upset that Beca had single-handedly ruined their date by drinking her weight's worth. Of course that was Chloe, absolutely perfect and understanding of her every move. It was almost surreal how she just _got _her. Beca never needed to explain herself or anything. It just felt so safe and easy.

"You're so cute." Chloe lifted a finger to press on her lips, effectively stopping the protest before it even started. "You. Are. Cute. And it's adorable when you get all angry about it so don't even try."

Beca laughed, picking her hand up to move Chloe's away. She had to fight the urge to put it back in her hair. To start up that wonderful stroking motion again.

Chloe's eyes came in contact with Beca's with a sudden intensity. They were still smiling. Big, bright, and beautiful smiling eyes. But there was something else. A very quiet not quite lustful look. She just stared for a long moment, blinking slightly faster than normal. Her eyes lowered shyly after a long moment. She was angling for something…

Beca smiled full and wide all of the sudden. _Chloe _was cute. What a girlish thing to do.

Beca reached up to grasp Chloe's face with both her hands, trying her best to mimic the position Chloe had said she used before, low back on the face covering part of her ears. Chloe looked curious and slightly intrigued. She didn't move, just looked back at Beca with her entrancing caring eyes.

Then Beca pulled them together.

Their lips met with a gentle pressure. The feeling of Chloe's mouth was so soft and mind numbingly smooth. A man didn't kiss like this. Only the full lips of a woman could feel so yielding and supple. And only Chloe could suck all her breath away with a little fleeting touch.

Beca didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to move her mouth or even if she should. But that was hardly a care in her mind at that moment. She couldn't even think, let alone give a damn how she supposed to act. She pulled her closer upping the pressure of their lips together, parting them slightly just to get closer. Just to let some of her taste in. Her wonderful, wonderful taste.

When Chloe had overcome the surprise of being kissed, Beca felt her mouth relax into her, and the stretch and huff of breath that accompanied a laugh. She opened her lips to suck Beca's upper lip into her mouth for a moment and drag her teeth lightly across the surface, earning a shudder in response. Her marvelous fingers found their way back into Beca's hair and half massages half pulled at her scalp. A feeling that wasn't entirely unpleasant.

Beca pulled away from her feeling heady and hot. Had she forgotten to breath? Her nose wasn't occupied was it? Why then did her lungs feel like they were about to burst? She ran her tongue around the surface of her own lips surprised to find them wet with saliva. It tasted like she smelled.

Chloe sighed softly and shook her head. Her eyebrows took on that wonderful poignant look they had habit to before she looked away with a sudden shyness. The contact of her wonderful little fingers broke and she leaned forward to rest her head on Beca's collar bone. Her breath danced over the bared skin there. Chloe held onto her tight.

Beca wondered why Chloe always did that. Cuddled into her lower down on her torso, away from her face. Was it just to torment Beca with the feel of her breath over the sensitive skin there? Was she cold? Was she really so shy? Beca lifted one of her heavy-feeling hands and placed it on Chloe's arm to hold her to her. Chloe snuggled into her in response.

"You smell really good." Chloe whispered, her breath heavy and sleepy slow. "Kind of like . . . I don't know . . ._lilac._ I like it." The sound of her voice was so high and feminine with a gasping jilted quality. It sliced through the heavy damp air. Just the sound of it made Beca shiver. But she felt so warm.

Beca felt strange. She felt heavy and full and tired. The smell of Chloe was every where, so deep into her skin now that Beca felt as if it were engrained there forever. Or maybe just hoped it was. The feeling she got just laying there quietly with Chloe was so indescribable. It was heaven, it was paradise, it was comfort, and luxury, and love, and torture. Yet none of those things. Her chest was swelling, aching, telling her to do something but she didn't know what. It was almost painful, yet wonderful and strange.

She didn't feel quite so bashful any more. She didn't feel as uncertain. If this was what being with Chloe meant, she would take it. Compared to most things, compared to anything even; this was heaven by a long shot. The most wonderful feeling in the world and not a penny to pay for it.

Really, what was there to be afraid of?


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

They'd been looking at each other all day. Beca had been trying to sneak little diffident glances any chance she got. Whenever she was facing that direction she couldn't help but see Chloe sitting there staring right back waiting for their eyes to touch again and again. Anytime she passed Chloe's table she'd even take the time to walk close enough to her to let their arms brush ever so slightly. It was such a silly little game they were playing, but Beca couldn't stop. Every time Chloe would take her breath away.

Beca found just the supreme level of want she was feeling for one little solitary person disturbing. What did she get out of a shy little look, a fleeting connection between their eyes? There was no real specific reason for it. Intellectually she registered that she should just stop. If she was going to be with Chloe she might as well do it like a grown-up rather than some little child with a crush.

They should be organized. Dates and things marking proper milestones relationship wise. In this way she could prevent herself from making any major missteps either towards Chloe or etiquette in general. That's what the ever elusive dating was, wasn't it? A formulaic thing with events and actions leading to a quantifiable summation. Not this maddening anticipation and magnetism. The yeses, the no's, the ups and downs. This feeling that couldn't ever be named. It's not even like it mattered any way in the end. It seemed as though any plan she ever made fell through in less than an instant.

Beca was starting to realize that some of her reasoning was flawed. She couldn't plan anything out. This whole thing was unpredictable.

Maybe all the poets had been right after all. Maybe this love _thing _was something different from all the rest. Maybe it was worth all the hype and songs and stories.

Beca glanced at Chloe and felt a smile tugging at her lips.

Chloe was just so… just so every thing. She had the most marvelous deep blue eyes that always looked so wet and poignant, like she was thinking of something really touching and heartfelt. Her eyelashes were so long they cast big dark shadows on her cheeks sometimes making her look surreal and visceral. Those pretty eyes were set just a perfect distance away from her full eyebrows, set high and flat on her forehead with hardly a brow at all to rest upon. Beca liked those wonderful eyes best of all. There was something about the way they looked that made her heart go all aflutter, with nothing to quell it from its flight.

She wanted touch them, trace over every contour with the point of her finger and look into them real deep until maybe she could see what ever lay beyond her entrancing stare. She wanted to feel the flutter of Chloe's long spidery eyelashes against every aching inch of her skin, as it felt as though it were already crawling to greet her.

That's not all though. She loved every little thing about Chloe. Beca loved her disgustingly pale pink lips, her little turned-up nose, the almost unnoticeable dusting of ashy light freckles on her nose. She loved how she almost never had to explain something that really really mattered, and how frustrated Chloe looked when Beca would explain to her something that didn't. She loved how happy and beautiful and gentle and fun every thing in the world seemed when they were together. Beca loved most of all that she herself could be seen as something good through such magnificently wonderful eyes.

The whys of such thing didn't seem to matter so much any more.

Beca must have held the gaze quite a bit longer than she'd intended. Chloe's eyes flashed daringly across the room, making Beca blink in response. There was a definite look there for her, accompanied with a little surreptitious grin. Beca let her fingers clench against the surface of the pass station unconsciously at the recognition.

Chloe spun to her feet animatedly, her skirt twirling as she stood. Her hips had a derisive swing and her face took a look of cunning. Their eyes stayed locked on one another stubbornly.

Beca stood completely still. Her eyes followed the way Chloe walked predatorily. Chloe had habit to put on a look some times like she were the one stalking about, but Beca knew it was only her who was preying, taking advantage, thinking thoughts that she shouldn't. It had always been that way after all.

Chloe stopped with at least a foot between them. She gave almost a mocking sort of laugh deep in her throat, then stayed herself for a long moment.

With a quick jab she forced Beca to take a step back so she could scale the counter top and reach the other side with nothing in between them. Something she knew Beca discouraged but she continued to do time and time again.

Her flexible fingers took hold of Beca's wrists lightly then trailed the touch slowly up her arms to her tense shoulders only to grasp there tightly and forcibly shove her again behind the shadow of the wall dividing the kitchen and the main room. Beca was less than pleased with being pushed around but she allowed it only because it was Chloe who was doing the pushing.

Beca felt cloistered as Chloe began to lean in close to her, to wrap her long thin arms around the hollow of Beca's ribcage and hold them tightly together. Chloe's warm Corona-smelling breath spill over Beca's face luxuriously and the feel of it made her shiver.

Beca thought for a long time that Chloe was going to kiss her. There was a heartbreakingly soft look in her eyes that at the very least made Beca want to close the space between them herself. But Chloe didn't move. All the effort of climbing the counter and moving across the room and she fell silent.

After a long moment of sharing a deep look with Beca she simply craned her neck to lay her head against Beca's shoulder and tightened her grip. Beca allowed her self to breathe for a long moment before lifting her dead weight arms to hold Chloe back.

"Is something wrong?" Beca asked trying to put on her best concerned voice. It hadn't been used as often as other tones and sounded a bit awkward even to her ears.

Chloe shook her head wordlessly against her spot at the crook of Beca's neck.

Beca stroked at the back of Chloe's hair. "You're certain?" A little ghost of a laugh bleed into her voice.

Chloe nodded.

"Absolutely certain?" Beca asked into a virtual mouthful of hair.

"Everything's perfect." She mumbled softly, hardly even audible against the fabric of Beca's work apron.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Beca did not like dirty. She did not like unorganized or random or messy. When she had lived back at Barden, every thing was strictly ordered and put in it's place. That's just the efficient way to run things.

Her brother, however, was a little more lax on the organization. He didn't live in complete chaos but he still wasn't as rigidly organized as Beca was. He didn't have specific places to put his soaps. He didn't roll his tube of toothpaste from the bottom, just squeezed any where willy-nilly. It drove Beca insane. So she made it one of her new missions in life to bring the wondrous joy of order into her brother's life.

Beca cleaned everything religiously. There would be no little dusty corners in any home she'd be living in. No rings on the bathtub either. She was scrupulous, determined, and some might argue neurotic.

So naturally, what with her on going animosity with the world, some dribbling little child chose today to spill a whole glass of grape juice all over one of the cloth chairs. Her brother was perfectly satisfied with leaving the giant, sopping stain, but Beca on the other hand wasn't. If her brother wasn't going to do anything about it, she wouldn't rest until the damnable thing was spotless.

After scrubbing and using cleaners and wild arrays of soaps on the spot, Beca's fingers were starting to develop their own thin layer of dirt and grime. It stuck in the creases of her hands and obstinately underneath her finger nails.

It was just past closing and Beca was still scrubbing. She didn't feel it was appropriate to go full force until all the customers left. Didn't want any one tripping over her or anything and creating more spills.

"You know I'm sort of thinking you may have unresolved issues with that chair." Chloe's high voice cut through dark air.

Beca let her eyes flick up to Chloe in moderate annoyance for a moment, then went back down to her work.

She was sitting inelegantly cross-legged on one of the empty tables, fidgeting, humming to herself, and watching Beca in a way she found slightly uncomfortable. Sure, she enjoyed Chloe's company and every thing, but she was busy and didn't need any distractions. Chloe had already thrown her life into enough disorder as it was and she didn't need spots all over the place to make her even more crazy.

"Don't you have a bus to catch or something?" Beca mumbled under her breath and began to scrub even harder. A day's worth of drying really hadn't done her any good. She shouldn't have let her brother convince her to let it wait. When is "letting it wait" ever a good thing?

"Nope. All yours tonight." She giggled sweetly and tossed her head to the side. "Actually, yes. But if I miss it I'll just have you call me a cab."

"How generous of me." Beca spat with a snide glare in Chloe's direction.

"I know right?" She smiled genially and leaned over the edge of her table, letting her strands of curls dangle in front of Beca's face.

Chloe sighed loudly and shrugged. She made a few impatient sways side to side before uncrossing her long legs and letting them swing over the edge of the table for a moment. Her eyes made direct contact with Beca's as she hopped of. There was a petulant little look there.

She was sitting again, on the other side of their little purple stain. Her legs tucked under her formally dainty, the way a society-defined classy female is supposed to sit, yet somehow she rarely had. The contrast to Beca on hands and knees scrubbing made her slightly uncomfortable. She straightened.

"You know, Beca, you're off work now. You don't have to do that." Chloe muttered in a high whiny voice. She plunged one of her hands into Beca's soap bucket, to swish around while she talked. Impatient little thing, always had to be doing something.

"I'm not leaving this . . . this _stain _here."

"Whatever." Chloe made a face and plucked out a wet sudsy hand from the bucket, with her sleeve wet up to the forearm. She wasn't going to have a fun walk home in the cold.

A strange look ran across Chloe's face like a bolt of lightning. She dipped her hand hastily back into the water and brought it back out just as fast. She'd made a ring from her index finger and thumb that had a soap-bubble sheen glittering in it.

"Watch this, Beca." She blew soft against her fingers until a small bubble formed and floated a few feet away before spattering mid-air. "Did you see? Now you do one."

"I'm working, Chloe. Stop wasting my soap." Beca sputtered back at her. Chloe, geez, she could find something to do with a piece of string and an ice cube.

Chloe giggled sweetly and dipped her hand back into the container. This time she leaned in, with her fingers all poised for action right in front of Beca's face. The resulting bubble spattered there.

"Try and do that again." Beca growled and glared at her. Chloe was just pushing it.

This time instead of blowing a bubble, Chloe cupped her hand and brought out a whole handful of soapy water. Her face looked mischievous. Beca stayed her self waiting and ready to pounce.

Then Chloe dumped the whole handful over Beca's head.

"You're dead." Beca growled, and sprung instantly to tackle Chloe to the ground.

She managed to straddle the girl around her middle to ground her flailing legs. With her left hand she roughly pinned Chloe's wrists to the ground and reached her right over to the soap bucket. Beca began to frantically throw handfuls of soapy water at Chloe's face, who just squealed and wiggled around in response while continuing to try and buck Beca off of her.

Beca had never been very good at the whole _playful thing_.

Through a sudden burst of strength, which Beca suspected was the result of actually trying to fend her off, Chloe managed to have the hold on her wrists relinquished and grasped for Beca's forearms instead, if for nothing but to still them.

Beca hovered over her heaving. She wasn't quite as fit as she'd like to be.

Somewhere in her little water-flinging fit the air had changed. Beca stared down at Chloe spread out beneath her strangely. She had been so busy trying to distract herself with menial labor all day that she'd forgotten what it was like to be looked at with those wondrous eyes of hers. Those pretty large wide blue eyes.

Chloe herself had pinkened from the flush of motion. Her hair was quiet frizzy; stray cowlicks of red spread across the floor. A slight glisten of soapy water was sitting on her skin. Even the top of her shirt was damp.

The grip Chloe's held on Beca's arms grew slack under her deep stare, and she submitted instinctively to the look she was being given. It took Beca a long moment to notice but when she did she took the opening to grab again at her frail wrists, one with each of her own raw and pruney hands and pinned them again over Chloe's head and out of the way. She didn't struggle.

When had they become this? When did Chloe gain the immediate power to draw all of Beca's precious attentions all with something as small as a look?

Chloe looked up at her with innocent trusting eyes that no one else had ever truly given to her. Their flush noses hovered inches apart, breath mingling, creeping across each others faces, feeling cool and tingly against their wet skin.

Though Chloe was clearly stronger, she lay flux under Beca's complete and utter control as she always had. She allowed herself to be subdued, subjugated.

Beca softened her grip slightly. Her fingers were itching to touch and feel the body laid out before her, every silky smooth dripping wet inch. But she daren't. She'd had so much practice already denying herself this that it came to her almost instinctively.

How long they sat there in silence she didn't know. Time passed strangely for Beca whenever she was with Chloe. It could have been seconds, it could have been minutes. It felt like both and neither.

Out of nowhere the two girls felt their breath fall into rhythm with one another, and like a trigger they fell together.

Their lips found one another like magnets and fitted perfectly. Her body knew just what to do with out her telling her. Turn head to the right, open mouth just enough. Every muscle in Beca's body felt liquid. She couldn't hold at Chloe's wrists even. It was all she could do just to hold herself up enough to have some control over herself. To avoid becoming part of a mass of clunking teeth.

There were millions of butterflies in her stomach and she felt just so hot and heady. Beca become suddenly aware how her hips were positioned over Chloe's, how they were pressed tightly up against one another and had to fight contradictory urges to push even closer or to pull away completely. She vaguely registered one of Chloe's hands tangling in her loose hair.

It really was unbelievable wasn't it? Beca would have never seen herself that night with Chloe on the bar floor even in her wildest dreams years before. But there seemed to be a lot of just really wonderful things in her life now that were unexpected and maybe even against her better judgment.

Things were running backwards. There were too many contradictions within her mind to count. This wasn't organized. This wasn't clean, proper, and thought out. But Beca could hardly care. For the time being, this moment alone was enough to keep her going.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30 **

"I remember the last time I saw you."

"Well I'd hope so, considering you're looking at me right now."

"No, I mean like, before this. Five years ago. I remember the last time I saw you five years ago."

Beca had gotten over Chloe leaving. She had. She really had. But hearing it brought up still sparked a bit of resentment.

"I was scared. I was really really scared, Beca. I was scared that I was gonna forget you."

Beca raised an eyebrow.

"So what you're saying is that I hadn't made a big enough impact on your life to even hold a place in your memory?"

"No! I mean yes, kind of, but not like…"

Beca cocked her head slightly.

"I just… I couldn't stop thinking about how 20 years from then, when I was looking through pictures of my college years, and I saw a picture of you, I'd remember that at one point we were friends. That you were in the Bellas and that we used to talk sometimes. I'd remember that you had a really good voice and that you liked wearing spiky ear-things and that sometimes you wore so much make up that I couldn't see your face. But I wouldn't remember anything that mattered. I wouldn't remember all things that make you _you._ I wouldn't remember that your favorite color is blue, or that when you were in third grade you cut your hair really short and tried to tape it back on afterwards, or that you love green tea but would rather have black. I wouldn't remember that you never read Anne Frank's diary in 9th grade like you were supposed to, or that your favorite David Guetta song is _Getting' Over You_. I wouldn't remember all of our inside jokes or how we used to stay cooped up in your dorm for _hours _playing Sequence or… or…" Chloe paused for a moment to look up at the wide night sky before taking a deep breath. "How much I _liked _you."

Beca smiled.

"Because I figured that in 20 years, we'd be living our lives out. Doing the things that we were born to do. You'd be DJing, I'd be doing theater. Singing. I don't know! Or maybe we'd still be friends. Maybe I'd give in and just keep in touch with you. Stay close to you. Or maybe we'd see each other in the grocery store or something and talk like the farts we'd be then. Or maybe I wouldn't live another 20 years. Maybe I'd decided that it was a good idea to jump into a river with all of my clothes on and I'd drown! For Pete's sake, I don't know!

"But chances are we wouldn't still be friends. We'd both have moved on from Barden and each other. And one day, I'd be moving out of my apartment, or maybe I'd just wanna take a trip down memory lane, and I would see a picture of you. Maybe the one of you at the Finals, or maybe the one of you in the radio station, or just some random picture. And when I'd look at you, I wouldn't remember anything worth remembering. I'd just remember that you were in the Bellas, and at one point, you were the best person in my life. And I guess it was just kinda funny to think about, considering how close we were. Well, are. It just, it made me so sad to think that when I'd think about you, instead of remembering how much I loved you and why, I'd remember a really pretty girl named Rebecca Mitchell, who was kind of intimidating and hated life. So basically, I'd remember somebody that didn't even _exist!_" Chloe sighed, staring at Beca.

"So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I really _really _like you and… I'm so glad that that didn't happen?"

Chloe shook her head with a muffled laugh. Her eyes were now turned away from Beca, up towards the starlit sky. They were laying together on their spot on the rooftop, hardly even sparing one another a look. Just talking.

It was strange how easily she could talk with Chloe. With other people, she always found herself filtering things to produce any specific desired effect. But with Chloe, she just said whatever was on her mind, not caring or even thinking about what it sounded like. Chloe, it seemed, was quite apt to doing the same with her.

Chloe was rather mystical, whimsical, nonsensical even. She thought very differently than Beca did. When Beca was trying to of the most effective solution to every problem, Chloe was trying to think of the most interesting. It was a trait Beca somewhat admired.

Sometimes she'd talk about how she'd swear the birds on her morning walks were tweeting along to the National Anthem. Other times she'd appear at the Pines wearing only one shoe because she didn't feel like looking for the other. She was prone to breaking out in song and dance at random intervals, not even caring if someone was looking, and naming kitchen appliances so she could speak to them on a more personal level.

If Beca did any of these things, people would probably think she was insane. They'd probably lock her up in some asylum and feed her dirt for the rest of her days. But with Chloe, it was endearing. It was cute. It was normal. And Beca felt herself too falling under her spell.

"Why were you scared of forgetting me? Isn't that what you wanted?" There was no spite in Beca's voice, only genuine curiosity.

"Wanting something doesn't mean that you can't be scared of it, silly." She laughed, shimming closer to Beca, resting her head on the brunette's shoulder. "And besides. I didn't _want _to forget you. I had to. Or at least, I thought I did."

Beca felt warmth fill her belly. Not that she'd admit it, but she too was glad that Chloe gave in and came to see her.

"You know why I like it up here so much?" Chloe muttered distantly, interrupting Beca's train of thought.

Beca shook her head, muted.

"It's closer to Heaven up here." Chloe turned towards the sky. "Less distance for our prayers to travel. Or thoughts."

"I don't like the idea of someone reading my thoughts." Beca scoffed. Chloe and her ridiculous spirituality.

"I don't mean it like that. I just mean that this is a special place. Even if you don't believe in those sorts of things, you know that much don't you? This is your place, our place."

Chloe sighed after seeing Beca unresponsive. "Can it be then? No Heaven or anything, can this be _our _place?"

Beca shirked away from her reflexively.

"What do you mean 'our place'? I don't even-no. No to whatever you're asking." Beca stammered. Coupley things. The next thing she'll want is a song or a kitten or something.

But wait… were they? Were they a straw sharing googley-eyed couple? When had that happened? Beca never wanted to be part of any sort of egalitarian thing, she just wanted to… screw her or something. It sounded a little low class, but it was all she wanted. No relationship.

If they were a couple, they'd have to talk about things, and Beca would have to tell Chloe she was pretty all the time and… surely there had to be something bad there. Beca had shied away from the idea of being with someone all of her life simply for the distaste of it, but really, what was so bad? Maybe being with someone made her dependent, vulnerable. Maybe it meant that she actually _liked _someone as a person.

Maybe she actually wanted this.

"I-Chloe, the whole concept is farfetched and actually pretty dumb but… you can have it." Beca sighed bravely as she met Chloe's eyes. "If it makes you happy, you can call this place whatever the hell you want."


End file.
